


Forgotten

by 93Mika



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Asylum, Chess, Depression, Dreams, Drug Abuse, F/M, Group Therapy, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, KaraMel, Late 1940s, Major Character Injury, Mental Hospital Patients, Mentions of OCD, Mentions of Suicide, Mind Games, Nurses, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Pearl Harbor - Freeform, Suspense, Trauma, Violence, inspired by A Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, inspired by Netflix Ratched, inspired by the movie Shutter Island, mentions of World War 2, mentions of mental disorders, orderlies - Freeform, outdated Psychiatric treatments, patient abuse, psychiatric hospital, triggering content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:48:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29361285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/93Mika/pseuds/93Mika
Summary: Cadmus Psychiatric Institute - better known to its unfortunate residents as Cadmus Asylum - with Lex Luthor as its warden and Rhea Gand as the Head Nurse, is a groundbreaker in the field of psychology in the late 1940s. To its long term and often life long patients, however, the place is nothing short of a reflection of their worst nightmares come to life.Kara Zorel has submitted to her miserable life at Cadmus as a patient with a rare case of extreme delirium, but the arrival of a new patient - a young man with hauntingly familiar eyes - stirs things up, making Kara doubt everything she has accepted asreality.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Mon-El
Comments: 52
Kudos: 30





	1. Imaginary

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well and staying safe in these trying times. I'm finally back with a new Karamel AU which I've been working on for a few months and recently finished it! Special thanks go to karxmels for her unwavering support and being the best beta one could ask for.
> 
> I don't intend to be too specific with mental disorders throughout this work, as I do not claim to have any superior knowledge about them. Even so, this is not a light work, so please make sure you read the tags and trigger warnings carefully before proceeding. The idea behind this work came to me from multiple sources. Mainly: Netflix's Ratched and by extension, A Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Scorsese's Shutter Island, and the YA book series "Asylum" by Madeleine Roux.

> _We've been dreaming,_
> 
> _But who can deny,_
> 
> _It's the best way of living,_
> 
> _Between the truth and the lies_
> 
> _\- "See Who I Am", Within Temptation_

* * *

The slippery scarlet slide of the brush over the rough texture of the paper gave birth to the imaginary skyline Kara had intended to create. The uniform splash etched masterfully around the silver summits of unearthly mountains, peeking through an ocean of crimson clouds.

It was the routine of fabricating landscapes with no base in reality that permitted her mind the release it so desperately sought- no matter how short-lived - from the bitterness of her reality. A momentary sensation of boundless joy in her confined, utterly dull, and abysmal life in the Cadmus Asylum. Alone and forgotten.

The esteemed Cadmus Psychiatric Institute - or as its unfortunate residents referred to as Cadmus Asylum - was a groundbreaking establishment in treating patients with serious mental disorders through unprecedented and rather unorthodox methods. With Lex Luthor as its warden and Rhea Gand as the Head Nurse, the institute regularly broke new records of successfully treated cases and advancements in the field of psychology in the late 1940s, as appeared to the outsiders. To its long term and often life long inhabitants, however, the place was nothing short of a reflection of their worst nightmares come to life. 

Kara knew her fleeting moment of freedom was almost up. As soon as the swirl of the brush and flurry of the colors ceased, the dark-haired Head Nurse, who had been watching her like a hawk from the other side of the common room, marched over to the table to prompt her back to her room. 

That was how things went down in the daily life of Kara Zorel nowadays. Although things hadn’t started as patterned and mundane.

For several years, Kara had fought against the cruel treatments forced on her body and mind to be allowed to spend just a few hours outside her room and have access to some art supplies as a reward for good behavior. Electroshocks, isolation, and induced seizures were to name only a few of the many sufferings she had endured to reject her delusional claims of being ‘Kara Zor-El’, an alien from outer space, and accept her reality as - the less than normal - female human ‘Kara Zorel’. The only survivor of a family that had all perished during the Pearl Harbor bombings by the Japanese in 1941. They told her that the unbearable grief of losing her family had driven her to believe in such absurd fantasies in order to cope with the bitter reality. They had finally broken her after long months of twisted mind games. She spoke out no more. 

Nevertheless, in the deepest recesses of her mind, Kara still wanted to believe that she was not insane. That the memories of being the last daughter of a long lost planet called Krypton, sent to the Earth at the sacrifice of her parents to watch over her baby cousin, Kal-El, were not just false information simulated by a broken mind. That her beliefs had at least some foundation of truth. Sadly though, she had no proof to justify herself. Even her beloved mother’s necklace, which she swore to have with her the day she was brought in was somehow missing.

Ironically, or perhaps, unfortunately, Kara had no recollection of her life between the time she left her supposed parents on Krypton and the day she was admitted into the facility. Something that didn’t help her case and, in fact, worked against her. She no longer trusted her mind and what little she had left as jagged visions of faces and names faded paler every passing day under the effect of the drugs they gave her.

“Time’s up,” Rhea Gand stated in that dry, unforgiving voice Kara was already so used to, unyielding as her appearance. She was dressed in the institute’s blue uniform with her long hair bunched in a tight bun, keeping her matching blue cap in place on her head.

Kara dropped the brush obediently with an inaudible sigh and remembered not to flinch as the unkind, seasoned nurse yanked the freshly painted paper from her fingers and slammed the usual cup of pills in front of her instead. The confiscated drawing would no doubt cause a string of questions regarding her case of extreme delirium in the next session with her psychiatrist, Lillian Luthor. 

Kara took the pills silently even though she resented the drowsiness they brought every time. She knew better than to refuse them. She no longer could stand the pain from shocks or the mental torture of that pitch dark cell called isolation room. She didn’t have the drive, or the spirit to fight any longer. Because it was a fight she knew she would always lose. That much was clear to her now. 

Slowly and with difficulty, she swallowed the pills without any water provided and ignored the harsh coldness of the fingers grabbing her chin so she would open her mouth and assure that she had indeed ingested the medication. She blamed only herself for trying to cheat her way out of the heavy doses of antidepressants for an entire week in the beginning before they had found out. The consequences were severe, to say the least. She didn’t allow herself to recall those days anymore.

Kara climbed the flight of stairs and stepped into the dreary corridor of the second floor with dragging feet as Rhea followed her closely. She ignored the threatening taps of the older woman’s footsteps behind her and glided her hazy gaze from the bleak whiteness of the tiled floor to a barred window showcasing another grey December afternoon outside, stopping on the only - and oddly out of place - frame on the wall that portrayed a magnificent field of green. Strangely, she had frequent dreams about visiting a place resembling that painting, but tended to keep it secret from the doctors. She didn’t want to add yet another pill to the fistful they already had prescribed.

The lonely psychiatric patient and her shadow of the Head Nurse stopped in front of a white iron door marked with black numbers ‘252’, and a slot beneath it, just big enough for a pair of eyes to rob the occupant of any privacy.

Opening the door, Kara absently regarded the familiar interior and the aspect of spending the rest of her day inside it. A small neatly made bed with chalk-white sheets was situated beneath an unreachable and securely fenced window; just like the rest of the windows of the building. Complementing the bed, was a rickety bedside table with a worn-out borrowed copy of “The Great Gatsby”. Across from them, sat a chipped, angry-looking radiator against the wall, above which hung a white-faced clock with large numbers, loudly announcing each second of the time with irritating accuracy. Nothing about the place felt inviting or comforting, but it was supposed to be her home. She didn’t belong anywhere else because she had no one left in this cruel world that had taken everything from her, even her very sanity. 

Kara didn’t as much wince when the Head Nurse shut the door loudly behind her, locking it. She was too drugged and far too used to notice such poor treatments to care. Her fast dropping level of energy only sufficed to get her body automatically to the bed, where she laid down, shivering slightly at the coldness of the rough texture of the pillow against her cheek. The repulsing odor of cheap antiseptic, which once used to make her nauseous didn’t bother her as much anymore because it was ingrained on everything in that place. Her clothes, the flooring, and even the dishes they served food on, they all stunk sharply from Chloride, and somehow she had learned to live with it, just as with everything else in that godforsaken place. Tolerating the smells by far was the easiest feat she had accomplished, compared to hearing the cries of a poor soul undergoing yet another hellishly novel treatment performed by Lex Luthor, or the night terrors of other patients tearing and screeching at their doors.

Kara spent the few hours left before mandatory sleeping hours to advance just a few more pages of the book she was given by Lex Luthor in her last meeting with the institute’s director. Doctor Luthor had encouraged her to read and educate her mind to concentrate on the ‘Real World’. She had accepted the book eagerly, considering she possessed no other belongings. Nevertheless, reading had turned out to be a lot harder than she had hoped as the side effects of the medicines made her mind foggy and empty, just like the winter weather outside.

Even with her back turned to the door, she sensed when Nurse Gand returned to check on her through the observing window with a cold stare. She was always on the clock. At the stroke of 20:00, all the nurses and orderlies started the final round check before the lights went out at 20:30 and she arrived at her door at 20:15 almost every single night without a fail. That night was no exception either and Kara gladly gave into sleep as soon as the only overhead lamp in her room turned off. She welcomed the dreams where she felt surrounded by kind faces and places she no longer could recognize, not forgotten and abandoned like in the waking _real_ world.

That night, however, her peaceful rest was brutally cut short when loud shouts and bangs shook the walls of her room. Kara jerked awake with a start and stared at her door in horror, crawling into a fetal position against the bed frame. Something was going on in the hallway beyond the door. Something she was no stranger to, yet didn’t have the slightest interest to witness again.

The commotion and muffled yells echoing through the darkness of the night in this place had one meaning and one meaning only. A patient was misbehaving and thus was going to spend the next few days in the isolation room located at the far end of that corridor. Kara didn’t need to see it through the watch window of her door to know exactly how it looked like, for she had been the one on the other side of the door once and knew exactly how horrifyingly it went. Every day, she lived with the trauma of the times it had happened to her. The entire ongoing ordeal was more than enough to trigger the dark memories.

_Two strong male orderlies with soulless features and iron grips forced a straight jacket on her before dragging her along with ears that fell deaf to insults and pleas alike. Nothing elicited a shred of empathy from them, no matter how much she resisted, not until her failed attempt to escape their clutches by feigning a seizure, which granted her a reaction at last, albeit, a very violent one. She had deep purple bruises from their batons for weeks._

At the flood of painful memories, Kara clenched her eyes shut so tightly that an eruption of stars danced dizzyingly across the black canvas of her eyelids. She clasped her palms to block the agonized shouts of a man being punished by the same solid rods that reminded her limbs of every hit. No matter the effort, though, Kara still sobbed where she laid with knees pressed ever so tightly to her chest. Her fear wasn’t of the physical pain, however. What frightened her was the isolation room itself. The deafening silence, the absolute desolation, and the swallowing darkness that consumed her wholly. It terrified Kara to her soul. It didn’t matter if the walls were covered with soft pads to prevent the unfortunate occupants from harming themselves. That dark hole was the source of all her - and possibly a lot of other patients’ - nightmares. For that reason, Kara did everything to stay away from that place and would shiver in a cold sweat at the mere thought of other patients being taken there.

With a heart gripped in fear, ragged breathing, and a panic attack on the rising, Kara started reciting words from an unknown language, words forming a prayer she didn’t know how she even knew, but helped her through difficulties. They had sought to rid her of this diabolic speech through many electric shock therapies, yet it withstood.

Most of the sounds died away as soon as the soundproof door was slammed shut on that unruly patient. The other frightened patients like her who had woken up by the sudden interruption, on the other hand, cried and yelled in disorientation for the majority of the night. That night no one on that floor, including Kara, could get any sleep. Not even a wink.

* * *

Five days after the midnight fright that left at least five patients in unstable condition for at least a day, Kara was at last allowed to use the set of watercolors under the supervision of a nurse in the common room. The Head Nurse was said to be preoccupied with a new patient in their ward, whom Kara had found out to be the same man behind the disturbance. The newly arrived patients often tended to be violent and uncooperative, just like she had once been. Kara didn’t want to think of the kind of procedures the man was undergoing these days. She had suffered at length to know exactly how strictly they disciplined a defiant patient.

A shiver ran down her spine as hurtful memories momentarily flooded her mind and caused the brush in her hand to go off its course and ruined the outline of the exotic skyscrapers she was drawing in front of a bright red horizon. Compulsive frustration exploded in response to this fatal mistake and compelled her to tear and crumple the paper at once. The observing nurse and a stoic orderly strode towards her with quick steps and removed her from her chair, away from the only source of comfort she had come to know. Kara trashed weakly against the hands locked around her biceps and whimpered ineffectively in protest. She was due for a round of therapy just like other patients that week no matter what. They had heard her muttering in that strange language again.

* * *

A few days after her latest shock therapy, Kara was sitting on a couch in the common room, staring blankly at the small TV that streamed a black and white movie. Her eyes were glued to the convex glass showing a woman in a day dress and a hat driving a car, but her mind was millions of miles away from her body. She couldn’t feel or think anything. Her habitual dissociation was so effective that she didn’t even realize when a man wearing the same flimsy, washed-off grey scrubs as hers sat on the other side of the couch.

At some point, when her mind grew somewhat more focused and functional, Kara turned to the other patient sitting quietly on her left, the entire time, and was met by an ashen, disheveled, and distressed man around her own age with semi-long dark hair and an untrimmed beard. She had never seen this patient in the asylum and that could only mean that he was the newest addition to the miserable collection of Cadmus prisoners. He had finally become docile like the rest of them to be allowed in that room for a while.

He was staring at the caged window behind the TV with a lost gaze and slightly ajar lips, but was cognizant enough to sense Kara’s eyes on himself and slowly turned his head to her. Kara instantly became nervous when he moved since she was wary of the horrible things some patients told her. The darkness and madness pouring out of them were too much of a burden to carry for her already fragile mind, thus she kept her head down and refused to interact with any patient in order to keep herself safer. It was part of the reason why she didn’t speak anymore. Nevertheless, the moment the man’s haunted grey stormy irises locked with her hesitant blue ones, it was as though a ripple shook her mind like a pebble hitting the surface of an ancient lake buried under hundreds of miles of rocks, and the pulse bounced back as she saw his initially hollow eyes growing equally wide as he shared the same wonder wordlessly.

Kara felt the breath getting caught in her throat as a word begged to be released from her lips. A mysterious word she forgot as fast as it came to her. The stranger in front of her continued to look enraptured by this inexplicable experience, with eyes that drew her into themselves, frightening her with the depth and intelligence they held within.

She lost track of how long she sat there with a forgotten word trapped in her chest agonizingly and gazed at him as he gazed back. He broke neither the silence nor the connection of their eyes. The world around them disappeared until something foreign tore his attention away as the shadow of pain constricted his fine features unpleasantly into a grimace. 

Kara watched as he gripped his uncontrollably shaking right hand with his left, suppressing a groan, and instantly recognized the telltale signs of drug side effects she had personally gone through. Unexpectedly, she became overwhelmed by the urge to console him. This man whom she didn’t even know by name. All she wanted to do was to reach out and hold his hand and tell him that it would soon get better. But she couldn’t. No, she had to remind herself of the strict rule of no physical interaction between patients, drilled into her repeatedly during the first week of her stay there, after she tried to help another hurting patient. 

Kara balled her hands on her lap and silently watched his anguish. Before she could make up her mind about the risks of breaking the rule, the Head Nurse followed by another nurse in those untasteful tidy blue garbs arrived with their pills. Kara mindlessly took her own cup as a habit, but the new patient was not as accustomed. He refused to take the medication, swatting them resentfully to the ground. Her heart dropped like those pills on the floor in fear as she knew what would follow now.

Two formidable orderlies in white uniforms stumped forward with empty expressions, getting ready to manhandle the resisting man. He was on his feet before they could reach him, putting up a fight. When he brought down one of the orderlies with a neat wrestling technique, Kara had to give it to him. Maybe he could somehow win this, after all. He seemed far more experienced and agile than those muscles for hire. Unfortunately, however, he had been worn out by all the drugs and extreme treatments, therefore the two other freshly arrived orderlies took him down effectively, pinning him down and injected him with a sedative. He yelled, twitching and kicking, never giving in even when the cold batons hit his body over and over.

Kara’s lips trembled in sympathy. She wanted to run to them and end the violence. To help the man. She couldn’t stand it, but the moment she took a step forward, a nurse pulled her back, reminding her of her uselessness. All she could do then was break into tears and shake her head vehemently at him, so maybe he would stop struggling and avoid further punishment. Suddenly, his crazed eyes found hers at that moment, through the chaos and thick bodies holding him down and it was as if he understood her. He gave up the fight and closed his eyes submissively, still panting heavily.

Kara didn’t even notice who was taking her back to her room. All she could think of was the face of that man and those ferociously burning eyes. She only came to herself when the nurse prompted her to sit on the bed and asked her something.

“Kara, Kara? Earth to Kara? Did you hear me?”

Kara blinked twice before the only kind face she had come to know in that place cleared in her vision. Alex Danvers. Nurse Danvers as others called her.

“There you are,” Alex put a friendly hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. “I asked if you’re okay.”

Kara just nodded, her usual answer in sign language. The one Alex never easily bought. She raised a brow and gave Kara a long look before suggesting that she should try taking it easy for the rest of the day. Kara wasn’t exactly listening, she just liked Alex being around because she felt the safest with her. Recently joined the staff, Alex Danvers was the most empathic nurse in the institute, never mistreating any patient unlike most who abused their position and believed them all to be inferior to normal human beings. 

Soon Alex left her to her thoughts, but not before generously offering her an extra blanket for the cold night.

* * *

The moment Kara stepped into the unstylish cafeteria with fogged up windows on the first floor, a chill went through her in response to the low temperature of the place. She patiently waited in line to receive her portion of lunch on a steel tray colder than her own hands and was carrying it to her usual table when she saw the man from yesterday, sitting in a far corner all by himself. She hadn’t seen him since the ordeal.

The man sat at an empty table dejectedly with a bowed down head, refusing to touch the food in front of him. The scene upset Kara to the point that she did what she would never do under normal circumstances. Kara made a sharp turn and headed for his table with a pounding heart. She only managed to calm herself by reminding herself that causal interaction between the patients was not prohibited as with physical contact. In fact, a few of the patients right there in the room, at that very moment, were paired at the tables and engaged in quiet conversations as they ate, thus she told herself that she wasn’t breaking any rules. Indeed, her theory proved right when she didn’t notice any of the orderlies chasing her as she put her tray on the table with a thud, sitting right across from the new patient.

He raised his head to greet the intruder to his forced solitude with a dark scowl, but instantly relaxed his features when he recognized her face from the day before. His stare made Kara nervous again, but it was almost impossible to look away because what she saw in those grey eyes was a far cry from any other pair she had met so far. There was an eerie familiarity to them, one she could not remember anymore. It was as if she had seen them before.

Eventually, Kara diverted her eyes back to the dish in front of her and picked up her fork. Usually, meals were just soups or mashed potatoes with bread, but that day’s lunch was pasta with chicken. Although not as attractive or as tasty as one imagined - given all the other food they served in the place was bland- it was a rare occasion that happened only once in a while. She took the first bite slowly, expecting the man in front of him to follow suit, but he didn’t. That was when Kara noticed the contents of his dish was nothing like hers. He had a mixed pile of yellowed celery, kale, and horrid looking pieces of tomato. She understood then why he refused to eat now. Looking at that dish was enough to make one nauseous. 

She knew why he was given this dish instead of what others had. It was a form of punishment for his stubbornness. She too had been subjected to this diet at the beginning. It was also a form of treatment to prevent vomiting in case the patient couldn’t keep the food down while under strong medication. She felt for him and wished she could do something about his misfortune, and fast too. Because if she had learned anything after living there for several years, was that refusal to anything, even taking a meal, had terrible consequences and she couldn’t stand for this man to go through what she had, or repeating the day before and watch him being brutally taken down again.

Thinking quickly, Kara made up her mind. Glancing carefully at each of the nurses and orderlies standing by the far wall, she first made sure that none of them were looking in their direction before swiftly exchanging their identical trays, to the man’s absolute surprise.

Kara picked up her fork again and stabbed a wrinkled dry leaf, successfully suppressing her disgust while chewing on it. When the man still kept gawking at her in awe, Kara motioned discreetly at the now far more edible meal in front of him so he would finally start eating before someone noticed. With a slightly shaking right hand, he complied at last and took his fork, slowly joining her in eating silently. The previously resigned icy look in his eyes melted into a warm humility by her sacrifice.

An unfamiliar warmth spread in her, watching him eat at last. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked the first chapter and looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
> 
> The title of the chapter is taken from the song Imaginary by Evanescence. You can listen to it here if you like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMVXMe89gC0
> 
> I will update weekly, so see you all next week.  
> You can also find me on Twitter @93HMika where I announce updates on my works.


	2. See Who I Am

The group therapy with doctor John Jones was a common affair every Tuesday afternoon. While Kara never spoke a word, she still had to attend and hear others describe their weekly struggles and what advice the doctor had to offer. Kara actually liked doctor Jones. He was perhaps - after Alex - the only other staff member she didn’t really feel intimidated by. Unlike her psychiatrist doctor Lillian Luthor, who always made her feel far worse than she actually did.

On Tuesday that week, Kara sat in her usual chair in a ring in the common room, between Winn and Eve, as she listened to Nia telling them about her newest horrific nightmare. She became hysteric as she described the blazing fire that had consumed her at night, turning everything into ash. She always suffered from such disturbing dreams that robbed her of sleep almost every night. This time, however, she became specifically so unconsolable that Alex had to take her back to her room as she sobbed.

Doctor Jones then asked Brainiac if he had something to share and he spent the next five minutes describing the spaceship he was designing to travel across the galaxy while sputtering unknown math equations as he rocked back and forth in his chair. His real name was actually something else. Brainiac, or Brainy for short, was the nickname given to him for his unmatched intelligence. A brightness that had taken him well beyond the realm of normal human understanding, and as far as Kara knew, this was one of his better days.

Winn was next to speak. He was fidgeting uncontrollably with his hands and talked about his obsessive and compulsive urges.

Eve, on the other hand, had a completely different story to tell as usual, after Winn. One that didn’t quite fit with the others. She was completely normal. She was brought to Cadmus asylum after her father forced her to marry a man much older than herself and she tried to take her own life as a last resort. She was just sad and abandoned, not insane, and certainly not deserving to be in this place.

The new patient was there in their group that day for the first time, Kara noticed, but he didn’t seem even remotely interested and wasn’t paying any attention to what was going on. His grey eyes were too far and lost. His appearance otherwise was tidier than before, his beard shaved off and his hair cut short per mandatory institute hygienic regulation for men. Kara thought he looked younger this way. Boyish even, was it not for the pale haunted look on his face.

“Kara? Would you like to say something today?” Doctor Jones softly asked her as always, even though she wouldn’t speak a word and continued her role as a silent observer in every session. She shook her head again, passing yet another chance. In doing so, she saw the new patient looking at her intently instead of the crack on the floor that had been his focus for the past hour. His lingering stare was interrupted when the doctor spoke to him next.

“Mike, welcome to our group today. Would you like to tell us a bit about yourself?”

_Mike_. His name was Mike, Kara reveled at learning his name at long last and at the same time felt as though something about it wasn’t quite right. But she couldn’t say why.

Until that day, Kara hadn’t cared much about what other patients had to say and all of a sudden, she desperately wished to hear his story. She wondered how he sounded like, when not shouting in pain. To her disappointment, however, the man, Mike, copied Kara by shaking his head in rejection and his eyes fixated back on the tile between his flat shoes.

That night Kara had a vivid dream about walking through the field of green again, a field of serenity, swaying with a gentle summer breeze. But for the first time, she wasn’t alone. Fingers softly caressed the length of her arm as a warm solid body materialized behind her. Just as she slowly turned to meet this novel presence in her dream, the routine wake-up call at 7:30 in the morning jolted her awake. Despite never seeing the face of this new person, a name now rang through her mind as if shouted into her ears. 

_Mon-El_.

* * *

Mike continued to be the second mute resident of the gloomy asylum, competing only with Kara in keeping things to himself and not socializing with anyone or speaking in the group therapy. He didn’t even seem interested in her as he spent the entire following week alone, merely watching the outside world through the barred windows of the common room - or at least pretending to since the thick mist of late December didn’t allow much to be seen. He didn’t acknowledge her during the meals in the cafeteria as he persisted in sitting alone at that table. All Kara took comfort in was seeing him eating and complying in taking his medication, staying out of trouble and unnecessary pain.

Christmas arrived and Kara was the closest to being actually cheerful because she had something to look forward to that day. They served muffins that morning for breakfast. She slipped on her worn out shoes before taking her grey cardigan, rushing through the morning routines with Alex to get to the cafeteria as fast as possible. As it turned out, she wasn’t the only one excited about the seemingly insignificant occasion. No matter how trivial, outsiders were none the wiser. Anything good happening in that place could not be taken for granted, as it was a rarity. 

Kara clutched her tray in triumph as the service lady dropped a warm muffin into it unceremoniously. She then thought about fetching her coffee next. Turning around, a careless patient suddenly bumped into Kara and her precious muffin was thrown off and - to her absolute dismay- rolled under a broken radiator, right into the filth and ancient cobwebs residing there. Kara whipped her to glare daggers at that ignorant patient. It was Leslie Willis. Of course, it was her. She loved tormenting Kara like that at any chance. The wild-haired woman smirked at Kara and went to enjoy her unbothered muffin. Kara stayed close to the counter, not knowing how to ask for another muffin or explaining what had happened without using words. After the last of the patients received their breakfast, she finally gathered the courage to approach the service lady, who gave her a dirty look and shook her head. Her stash was completely cleared. There were no more muffins left and standing there any longer could only cause trouble.

Defeated and despondent, Kara sank into a seat with a lone watery coffee in her tray. Touching the only piece of crumb left in the wake of her lost muffin, she contemplated for a minute about actually trying to extract her fallen muffin and make do with the grim covering it, but all expectations and the resolution she had built up for the day was completely gone, torn in tatters. This was just like the story of her life. She could never have anything good. She didn’t deserve anything and no one ever cared what happened to her here.

Drowning deeper in her self-imposed despair, and a painful lump in her throat, Kara ignored the person sitting down across from her. Before she even knew it, however, a warm fluffy muffin adorned with raisins, identical to the lost one, was generously placed on her empty dish. She gaped at the Christmas miracle in awe and raised her eyes to meet the selfless hero behind it.

It was Mike. 

But that fact wasn’t as astounding as the faint _smile_ on his face. That slight upward curve of his dry lips was doing wonders to his entire expression. The sight made Kara do what she hadn’t done in years. She _smiled back_.

Changes started to happen soon after. Slowly, even so surely. From that day on, Mike joined her at every meal, always respecting her silence and never saying anything himself.

And soon, one day during a group therapy session, Kara no longer had to fantasize about how Mike sounded like when he finally spoke a few words quietly. Nothing big, but enough for Kara to put some pieces together and make a picture of him. He had served for seven years in the US Army and had fought in the war overseas for the majority of it. He had gotten injured in Normandy and sent back to the homeland. Kara didn’t remember the war, but she couldn’t even imagine the horrors he must have seen during his time.

Physical activity was something no one ever counted the days for. Especially not in the bitter cold of the winter weather. Still, Kara appreciated the opportunity of smelling the fresh air every once in a while. Besides, the recent bonus of Mike’s presence made things less dull. He was the only one who actually excelled at all the exercises the instructor gave them, even challenging him to give him harder ones. He bluffed he could do one hundred push-ups with one hand and ran ten laps around the frozen backyard without breaking a sweat. His remarkable fitness thanks to his strict navy seal training was envious to Kara. Annoyingly so.

Those were his good days. On other days, when he was haunted by his bloodstained memories of the war, Mike retreated back into his shell, binding himself to his room. And on his worst days, he became overtaken by his demons, losing control of his mind and body, and in need of much harsher treatment. Kara cried every time she heard him being taken into the isolation room.

Kara’s dreams about the field, Meanwhile, recurred as abstractly as before, sharing a single element. A pair of bright stormy eyes, and the name Mon-El. A name that meant nothing and everything to her.

* * *

The next time Kara was allowed to have access to art supplies again, it didn’t take her long before she decided on what she wanted to draw. Just half an hour into the work and waves of green covered half the page with the delicate motions of her hand, reaching up towards a clear blue sky. She was so focused on her work on the table that she didn’t realize right away when a person started talking to her. A little startled, Kara lifted her head and was taken aback to find Mike sitting on the other side of the same round table in the common room. He had been watching her paint for some time now, but for how long, she couldn’t know. She hadn’t even noticed him arriving there. He looked very pale after spending most of the past few days cooped up in his room, or perhaps they had tried a new treatment on him. One could only guess what happened to the patients when they weren’t seen around the common room throughout the day. No matter what, it was never a good sign.

Seeing the confusion across her face, he repeated himself. “That’s a very beautiful painting.” His raspy voice was quiet. “You’re so talented.” He attempted a smile that failed to reach his eyes, unlike the only other time he had offered one in the cafeteria. Even so, in his faded eyes Kara found nothing but honesty.

Kara felt her cheeks flaring at this rare, genuine compliment and looked back to the still moist paper that didn’t look any good in her own eyes. 

_Beautiful_. _Talented_. Those were never among the words that came up in her sessions with her psychiatrist while discussing her paintings. Lillian always described them as _unnatural, outlandish,_ or _oddities_. She felt insecure and self-conscious, yet her heart drummed with giddiness at the mere fact that he had just spoken to her after all the silence. An elation that was replaced instantly with the shame of not being able to speak back.

“Kara... ehm, right?” He asked with a little stutter, unaware of her mental spiral in that same moment.

She nodded sheepishly. Even through her overthinking, hearing him say her name for the first time made her forget everything momentarily. 

“This is just like the painting in the hallway,” He perceptively pointed out, but doing so, he suddenly zoned out as if taken away by his own train of thoughts. 

Kara nodded in half earnest, not sure he even saw it. When he no longer talked, she returned to coloring the rest of the field from her dreams.

“It reminds me of the farm I grew up on…” Mike unexpectedly resumed his speech after a few minutes. Back to the present and his body once again. Kara looked up at him again. There was a strange and pained look in his eyes as he reminisced about his childhood. “My old man would take me on the tractor every summer... I nearly broke my neck the first time I tried to drive it myself,” His lips twitched to form a sad smile this time around. “I wasn’t allowed to drive it either. I was barely twelve and stole the keys as a dare. If only the stupid chicken hadn’t jumped in the way... Mother was so furious.” His smile vanished, replaced by the grim shadow of a wince. He abandoned the recount of his boyish antics, leaving it to Kara to imagine all sorts of punishments a midwestern farmer’s wife felt justified to discipline her young son with. She once again wished she could say something or at least hold his still shaking right hand, but all she was capable of was sitting there and stare at him helplessly as he got lost in his head again. 

Desperate to connect with him despite her self-inflicted inability to speak out words, Kara scrambled the material in her reach for a blank piece of paper and started scribbling on one. That was usually how she communicated with the doctors there as well when a response demanded more than the movement of her head or hands.

Mike appeared taken by surprise when she slid the paper across the table to his side. He gave her a curious look before picking it up and reading it.

_‘I think you’re very brave.’_

Kara watched him linger on the words rather long before lifting his eyes up and back to her waiting ones.

“I don’t think I am. I’ve been scared out of my mind every step of the way. Running away from home, joining the army, fighting in the war...” He trailed off weakly. “I... I keep asking myself, why me… why was I the only one to survive my unit… I don’t deserve it… I should have died that day...” His posture was the image of resignation and it shattered her heart. 

Kara snatched the paper from his limp fingers and started writing quickly. She was astonished by his sudden openness with her that day, for he had never spoken much about himself or anything about his survival guilt in the group therapy. 

He accepted the paper with a much somber face the second time.

_‘You don’t deserve to die, you deserve to survive.’_

He only stared at her with an indecipherable look. A silver of awe now mixed with the intense self-loath residing there in his eyes. He was about to say something, Kara knew when he wet his lips with anticipation, but a nurse appeared out of nowhere, interrupting them. She was suddenly struck by a gripping sensation of déjà vu. 

“Director Luthor wants to speak with you,” Nurse Gand claimed authoritatively with that permanent scowl printed on her face.

Kara stood up without a choice, already feeling nervous about this unprompted meeting. The Head Nurse didn’t wait and took the lead impatiently. Kara stalled for a second before the woman could notice her absence, just enough to give Mike one last sympathetic look and pushed the painting of the field towards him without really knowing why.

Her stomach was churning with anxiety on the silent elevator ride to the director’s office on the top floor. The entire fourth floor, dedicated to Lex Luthor’s reign over the institute, had little in common with the rest of the building, to the point that it felt foreign. 

The brightness of the hallway almost hurt her eyes, forcing her to squint, needing a moment to adjust. The unusually free window frames were the first to pull her eyes away, while the carpet beneath her feet unbalanced her with its unfamiliar softness. The distinct absence of the usual detergent smell was the next thing she noticed. 

The bright hallway led them towards beautifully carved wooden doors of an office. Behind them, on the other side of the hallway, Kara counted five simple office doors, belonging to other resident doctors.

The Head Nurse knocked on the director’s door twice before a male voice granted her entrance with two syllables. Kara’s heart was pounding in fear by the time the older woman pushed down the golden handles and opened the doors.

The neat, glamorous office was framed on the far side by the tallest windows Kara had seen in her life. The daylight, even in that gloomy grey day poured in rolls into the space, almost blinding her unused eyes again. It took a moment before she finally made out the shape of a large mahogany desk located in front of the windows and the bald man sitting behind it.

“Director Luthor, Kara Zorel is here,” Nurse Gand announced.

Hesitantly, Kara took a few steps forward and finally noticed the presence of two other women inside, sitting on visitors’ chairs in front of the director’s desk. She recognized one of them immediately as her psychiatrist Lillian Luthor, whereas the second younger female with long dark hair in an expensive-looking tight black dress was a complete stranger to her. Seeing neither person brought Kara any relief. On the contrary, this unusual meeting was only agitating her nerves further. She had been in that office twice, but never accompanied by other doctors.

“Thank you nurse Gand, I will call you when we’re done here,” The director told the Head Nurse who left promptly, closing the doors behind her, and effectively trapping Kara inside. The finality in his voice sent chills down her spine.

“Let’s move this to a more comfortable setting, shall we?” The director suggested in a cheerful tone and gestured towards the cluster of two leather couches and the armchair on the other side of the spacious office, typically reserved for special guests. Kara didn’t dare move before the other women had taken their seats on a couch and the director picked the armchair facing the windows. 

If Kara had to be honest, she wasn’t too upset about this change of setting. She never liked sitting in front of Lex Luthor’s desk, and being forced to ignore the disturbing replica of a human skull staring at her with its cavernous eyes and an exposed brain as if someone had sawed the top off.

“Miss Zorel, have a seat,” Lex Luthor motioned at the other empty couch facing the women, separated by a stylish rectangular glass coffee table. Kara had no other option but to follow his words. She sat on the edge and gave into the uncomfortable scrutiny of every person in the room with downcast eyes. The odd softness of the couch beneath her was restrictive, almost suffocating. Desperate to ground herself, her eyes instead found the chessboard on the corner of the table, abandoned in the middle of a game. It wasn’t hard to see the black was losing unfairly. White pieces had entirely dominated the board on both sides.

“Miss Zorel, I asked you here today to meet the newest member of our wonderfully capable staff at Cadmus institute,” The director stated in a more serious voice as he brought her attention to the only stranger in the room, forcing Kara’s eyes back to her again. In her second careful inspection, she appeared to be as young as Kara herself, but unlike Kara, she emitted an unshakable aurora of confidence, complemented by a pair of piercing green eyes that gave off a very familiar coldness. Kara instantly decided that she didn’t like this new addition to the already mostly _wonderfully_ abusive staff there. “Lena Luthor, my sister,” Lex introduced and it immediately explained the similar hostility she saw in the woman’s eyes. A feature that could also be seen on the faces of the unfriendly psychiatrist sitting beside her and the director, now known to Kara as her mother and brother. She couldn’t still understand why she was this _un_ lucky to meet the director’s sister in person upon her arrival.

“You might be wondering what is all this meeting about,” Lex Luthor said as if reading her mind. Kara looked back at him and the fake smile that never reached his cold blue eyes. “You see, Miss Luthor has finished her psychiatry residency - quite remarkably fast might I add - and will now help us by taking over a few of the more peculiar cases here, such as yourself, Miss Zorel.”

Kara feared the Luthors could hear how fast her heart was beating when its loud thumps echoed in her ears. She didn’t like changes or new doctors, and she dreaded the next words coming out of the director’s mouth.

“Miss Luthor here is specialized in brand new treatment methods, some of which are developed by herself, and we all are very hopeful that she can help you and other patients here.”

Kara knew she turned as pale as the impenetrable fog clinging to the tall windows when her entire face grew numb and cold. She was by no means better off with her current doctor, Lillian Luthor, but even the mention of new treatment methods was enough to cause her severe anxiety. 

Lena Luthor, as though intentionally neglectful of Kara’s presence right in front of her, picked up a manila folder from her lap and flipped it open. There was no doubt in Kara’s mind that it was her medical records, and she was proven further right when some of her older paintings slipped from a clip and scattered across the tabletop like the portfolio of a failed art student. The new psychiatrist skimmed her mother’s personal report notes on Kara’s psyche, biting her lip in concentration. “Very interesting,” She claimed, mostly talking to herself. “Yes, I definitely like to take over this case.”

Kara felt as though her entire world was crumbling down right there on that couch, alone, voiceless and defenseless. She didn’t listen to what was being said afterward. Neither did anyone ask for her opinion on any matter. She was nothing more than a lab mouse in their eyes. A test subject for the new doctor and the only reason she was called there was for them to see exactly how _broken_ she was up close to choose a method to try and _fix_ her.

She had never imagined the day would arrive when she would feel relieved to see the Head Nurse coming to fetch her.

* * *

Kara dragged her feet across the cafeteria, later than usual, not even aware of the content of the breakfast tray she was holding and let muscle memory take her to her usual table. Sitting down numbly, her insides twisted uncontrollably just like the entire day before. The sight of cold pieces of scrambled eggs in the dish in front of her only made her feel sicker, urging Kara to close her eyes to soothe her spasming stomach as well the slight dizziness she felt as a result of insomnia. Pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes, Kara forced herself to breathe as calmly and deeply as she could. She was a complete mess and she hated herself for it. Her throat was dry and tight with dark emotions. She couldn’t break down there when everyone could see her. She just couldn’t afford to make a scene and hasten this new treatment that awaited her.

“Hey… are you okay?”

A soft familiar voice reached into her fast spiraling mind like a gentle caress. Through her blurry, tired vision, Mike’s face appeared as pale yet as welcoming as always. He sat across from her and regarded her with concerned eyes and knitted brows.

Kara shrugged in response, unwilling to keep eye contact any longer. She couldn’t bear the heaviness of his stare on herself that day.

“I… I got worried when you didn’t show up yesterday in the group therapy,” He admitted in a quiet voice.

Her heart raced at his words. To know that he had actually thought about her made her feel things she couldn’t even comprehend. She wished she could explain how she had been stuck with the Luthors. How anxious she was about the new treatment, or simply letting him know how much she appreciated him thinking of her. But there was no paper, no pencil, nothing to help her this time. No, it was her _brokenness_ again that rubbed her of basic communication ability. Gritting her teeth in frustration, Kara balled her hands so tightly until her chewed fingernails threatened to break the skin.

“You need to eat something,” Mike cautioned in a whisper as he glanced at the orderly who had started checking on the patients’ progress on the other side of the room. Breakfast time was coming to a close soon and her dish was still full, unlike his that was almost wiped clean.

Once again Kara looked at her unappetizing breakfast and shook her head helplessly. Fear was filling her mind and depleting her lungs while the urge to cry returned even more intensely. 

“Come on, Kara. Just some bread,” Mike encouraged, picking up the stale toast from her tray and prompting her to take it. Kara looked into the caring grey storm of his eyes and allowed them to anchor her. Accepting the food, she finally took a bite despite the turmoil in her stomach.

By the time the orderly approached their table, Kara had eaten half of her plate with Mike’s comforting words, who cheered her taking each mouthful of that dry bread with some eggs on top. When the ill-tempered orderly noticed her still eating, he started complaining loudly about her slowness, which was counterproductive and distressed Kara again. She tensed when Mike’s features contorted into an angry frown and he was about to say something quite possibly not very nice that could only worsen things. Especially since this particular orderly was known to be short-tempered and most abusive among the staff. Many patients - mostly women - suffered at his hands.

Suddenly Eve bumped into the orderly and dropped her thankfully empty tray over his shoes. It happened all so unexpectedly that the man completely forgot about Kara and instead started yelling at Eve who remained completely unaffected by the outburst. He hadn’t seen it, but Kara knew Eve had done it on purpose. She had defused the situation and bought Kara time to eat the rest of her breakfast by making a scene. And if that faint bemused smirk on Mike’s lips was anything to go by, then he too had noticed it.

She couldn’t even describe how heartwarmingly bizarre it felt to have friends who had her back for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked this chapter and the characters introduced.  
> The title of the chapter is taken from the song See Who I Am by Within Temptation. If you like, you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xHto4vAJ8o


	3. Ever Dream

The community room in Cadmus Asylum had never seen a scene like that afternoon. The excitement in the atmosphere was palpable, spirits high and breaths held collectively as everyone - even the regular staff - watched as Winn came so very close to defeating Brainiac in a game of chess, likes of which had never happened before at the institute.

Kara always knew Winn was brilliant. While most people never bothered to look past his very quiet demeanor, often ruled over by his unusual obsessions and compulsions, Kara was able to see his true self. Winn loved inventing things that helped people. He spent hours sketching blueprints of devices, vehicles or gadgets that only belonged to Sci-Fi novels. Sometimes when he felt talkative, he would explain them in rich detail to Kara, who only understood halfly. Brainiac was perhaps the only one who matched his intellectual level. That, however, didn’t mean the two got along well, and this chess match was their way of settling the matter once and for all: who was the smartest between the two of them.

To the disappointment of many, the match dragged into a locked tie with only four pieces on the board. Some whined, while others cheered. Some orderlies exchanged money in the background. Even so, both contestants remained engaged and focused on the game. Kara could see that Brainiac was irritated with how easily Winn had seen through his every trap and move. Winn on the other hand, sported a rare smug smirk on his face.

“I must admit, you are of a level two intellect,” Brainiac conceded in his own unique way, even though the game had ended in a draw. He had created this metric system for himself, establishing that, if the intelligence of a normal human being was set to level one, then he was at level 12. Therefore, admitting to someone that they were a level two, had to be considered a very flattering compliment from his side.

Soon after the game, almost everyone dispersed, but Kara remained nearby to express her congratulations with a genuine smile to Winn. He was quick to reciprocate and sheepishly asked if she was interested in playing a round of chess with him, to which Kara eagerly nodded. She didn’t mind losing. It was a nice change to see Winn so content and confident.

During the game, Kara got distracted by the sight of Mike on the couch in front of the TV, talking to Eve. Again. It had been three days since the incident in the cafeteria and Kara noticed the two chatting more often than not, starting with Eve joining their table during their previously silent meals. Her heart sank deep and heavy every time she sat there, watching them talk when she couldn’t. She felt as though she was losing Mike. Even if all they had was this oddly weak connection, it felt as though it was slipping through her fingers right before her eyes, and it hurt. She told herself over and over that she should have known better. That Mike deserved to be friends with someone normal like Eve, and not her. That she was too broken, too abnormal to be loved. 

Kara saw them leaning a little closer to each other and was suddenly overcome by the need to leave that place and run back to her room.

“Kara, it’s your turn,” Winn reminded his very absentminded opponent, his face falling when Kara merely shook her head and pushed back from the table with a pale face.

“Kara, can you come with me, please?” Alex showed up just in time, as if sensing her distress. Gladly, Kara let the nurse lead her away, yet couldn’t help but swivel to give a final glance at where Mike and Eve still sat on the couch, speaking lightly. The smiles on their faces told her all she needed to know.

When the kind-hearted nurse took a false turn into another corridor on the second floor, Kara’s steps faltered. “I know you probably want to go back to your room, but the Head Nurse told me to bring you to the new doctor Luthor,” Alex explained, but there was a weary edge to her tone that made Kara think that she wasn’t too thrilled about the young Luthor joining the board of doctors at the institute either. 

Kara’s legs became heavy, her feet glued to the ground in apprehension, but moved eventually when Alex gestured persistently for her to follow. She persuaded herself with the thought that with Alex Danvers around, nothing bad could ever happen. She was always safe with her. 

The nurse and the fearful patient made it far into that cold corridor before stopping in front of a door identical to all the others. Alex opened the door, revealing what could only be described as a large bathroom with white-tiled walls and two similar tubs located in its center. Kara stepped inside the place perplexed, having never seen it before. The shower room to which they took her every two days looked completely different. There were no tubs there. They simply hosed down the patients there with little care for their privacy or any decency. Not to mention she had already had her usual cold shower - or rather, spray - that very morning, thus she couldn’t possibly guess what she was doing there. Finding Head Nurse Gand, Lena Luthor and the known short-tempered orderly standing in that bathroom looking all business did little to soothe her frantic mind, replacing her state of confusion with trepidation. She had a bad feeling that this was the new treatment method they had spoken of the other day.

“Good, you’re finally here,” Nurse Gand said, testy, as she walked toward them with a stride. She grabbed onto Kara’s upper arm and dragged her to one of the baths without providing any explanation. Kara craned her neck to look pleadingly at Alex, who looked as puzzled as she felt. 

“Nurse Danvers, secure Miss Zorel in the tub,” The Head Nurse ordered the brunette. She was quick to help a slightly shaking Kara out of her cardigan and shoes first, before holding her hand firmly as she stepped into the tub filled with lukewarm water, still wearing the thin grey asylum garb. Kara could sense that this was no ordinary tub. A lot of pipes and valves could be seen behind the waterproof cushion on which Kara's head was resting, and she could only shudder wondering what for. 

“I said, secure her,” The exasperated Head Nurse repeated when Alex didn’t perform her task fully out of hesitation. Nurse Gand pointed at the four leather manacles installed on either side of that special tub where Kara's wrists and ankles were floating. 

“Is this safe?” The young nurse asked doubtfully, still not moving to do anything.

“Of course, it is! I have specifically overseen the design of this tub for safe scientific procedures!” The young psychiatrist claimed in a shrieky voice, clearly offended by Alex questioning her methods. Her explosive denial, however, did little to alleviate Kara’s sense of foreboding. 

Alex said nothing and proceeded to put one of Kara’s quivering hands through the thick leather cuff, cautious not to make them too tight for her, but nurse Gand was irritated with her slowness and ordered the man to secure Kara’s feet so she would get ready for the procedure faster.

Kara’s heart was already pounding with anticipation when her limbs became locked in place, and the orderly continued to push up a thick fabric over the rim of the tub like a blanket covering its surface, leaving only her head and neck outside. With a pounding heart, she tried to focus on Alex standing by her head, allowing her presence to calm her, even if just slightly.

The young doctor Luthor gave the Head Nurse some technical instructions and moved to twist some handles above Kara’s head. Nothing happened at first, but slowly, the water started to turn pleasantly warmer. Maybe this wasn’t as bad as she feared after all. Her fragile hope was quickly extinguished, however, when the temperature carried on increasing faster, passing the conventional threshold of a hot bath. Kara pulled at her straps in discomfort, moaning in pain as her skin started to sting with burns.

“You need to stop this!” Kara heard Alex shout in protest.

“Not yet. It must reach 119 degrees,” Lena Luthor deadpanned, completely unaffected by Kara’s agonizing whimpers echoing hollowly in the room.

“That’s too much! You’re hurting her!” Alex rushed to remove the cover that was trapping and aiding the build up of intense heat in the tub. Kara was now crying.

“Get away from the tub, Nurse Danvers!” Nurse Gand pushed Alex away irritatedly, holding her back. 

“This is the Hydrotherapy treatment. We are shocking the nervous system to set it back into the right pathways and rid her of disorders and false impulses,” the arrogant psychiatrist claimed as she closed a valve when the water temperature finally reached her desired level.

Kara could no longer see past the steam rising around her head. Her entire body grew numb under the intolerable ambush of scalding pain on her skin.

“This is no treatment! This is torture!” Alex’s seething voice reached her ringing ears, weak and far.

“Nurse Danvers, if you can’t hold your tongue, I have to ask you to leave! I’ve worked with world-class physicians and psychologists, and I will not hear the opinion of a low class nurse such as yourself with no degrees, about my methods!” 

Kara lost consciousness after hearing the fiery response of doctor Luthor and before she could find out if Alex left the room or not. She hoped she hadn’t. When the excruciating pain never ceased, Kara unwantedly drifted into a limbo where she became blissfully disconnected from the world and her body, all the torture, and all she could think of was that perhaps this was it. This was how she was going to join her parents in the light of Rao and become free at last from all pain. She saw their faces clearer than ever now. 

_“I love you, Kara,” her mother had said, putting one last kiss on her forehead. The ground under her feet was shaking. She held on tighter to the necklace her mother had just put around her neck._

* * *

She was walking down the same clear path across a field of waist-tall emerald crops, bending to the gentle breeze caressing them. The sun shone bright and warm overhead. Here, she knew who she was, just as she knew exactly who the person waiting for her at the end of the path was. 

As though called by name, the tall figure slowly turned around to meet her with soft features. That tender smile, those deep stormy eyes, she would know him anywhere.

_Mon-El..._

Just as standing in the eye of the storm, suddenly, a violent swarm of images - flashes of what could only be lost memories trapped her mind - whirled around. It was too fast for her to keep track of anything.

She saw an apartment, colorful. Cozy. Comfortable. People she knew. People she loved. People she laughed with. 

The image jumped into a clear blue sea kissing the sandy shoreline. But in this one, she was much younger. A teenager. Another brunette around her age with hazel eyes was standing beside her, smiling widely. The wind blew into her long free tresses, before disappearing.

She saw a man holding her face lovingly. His eyes were so sad, glazed over. 

_“As long as you’re safe…”_

His voice shook. Her heart broke.

The dizzying blur of colors and voices ceased abruptly then. The pain was beckoning her back to the waking world again. 

“Kara…” The same voice implored in a whisper this time and she opened her eyes to see for herself that he was indeed there, not just the continuation of her dream, synthesized by her fractured mind. His face came into focus slowly, lacking the many warm colors it possessed in her memories. Still, it was really his. There was no doubt. He was there by her side, looking at her with those familiar concerned eyes. The same eyes she _loved_ beyond time and space. 

_Mon-El..._

Every single cell in her body yearned to cry his name out loud, but was stopped by her own heavy, numb and full of hurt body. She tried to smile at his sight, instead, her lips trembled, her eyes welling with longing tears. Through the fog of pain and the relentless tears rushing down the sides of her face, falling onto the pillow, she felt his thumb gently brushing the back of her hand, bandaged, resting on a blanket draped over her. Finally gaining sufficient consciousness, Kara realized she was lying on her bed, in her room. In the asylum. Cold, anguished, and mistreated. 

Summoning all the energy she had left, Kara pulled the hand held in his tender one close to her lips, ignoring the scream of pain emitting from every inch of skin and touched his knuckles with her lifeless lips. Lips that were only capable of shaping the letters of his name voicelessly with every breath.

_Mon-El..._

“Kara,” he called again hoarsely, his voice cracking quietly as he watched her cry soundlessly with his hand still trapped in her feeble grip. Mindful of her injuries, he slowly reached with his other hand and cupped the side of her wet face. Kara gave into the touch, revelling in the warmth his palm spread into her tear-stained skin. She witnessed as his eyes glistened with tears he battled to keep unshed, but losing when a single stream fountained from the corner of his left eye, dripping onto his shirt. What she never expected, however, was him leaning forward next and kissing her forehead affectionately, lingering for a moment before pulling back. Kara melted by his gentleness. 

She couldn’t be sure of how long they stayed that way, holding hands and silently mourning. Nor did she care to find out. Just as she didn’t mind how they were breaking many of the asylum rules by doing so. Kara could no longer tell apart which reality was true and which one false. Whether he was Mon-El, or Mike, but she decided that it no longer mattered to her. All she knew was him being there in the moment she needed him the most, banishing her fears about losing him for good.

He remained by her just as, wiping her tears patiently until she had none left to cry and slipped back into another unrestful stupor.

* * *

“Day 13th post-first Hydrotherapy session: Patient 52 has not shown any signs of improvement. The extended skin injuries on the arms appear to have counteracted the desired effect. Still no communication through speech, but the patient has stopped communication through writing ever since as well, partly due to hand injuries. And not even basic sign language. Other physical symptoms include lack of appetite and fatigue. No further interest in painting unusual sceneries, which could be interpreted as progress in her case of _Pseudologia Fantastica_ , however, requires more accurate probing to be made case. At this stage, the patient is completely withdrawn from her surroundings.”

Kara listened on listlessly as Lena Luthor reported her observations on a recording device. Her stare blankly chased the spinning reel on the rectangular device sat on the table between them. It was her fifth time being brought into the young doctor Luthor’s office just so she could repeat the same nonsensical words about her state of mind, labeling it with new names and drawing assumptions she had neither interest in denying, nor admitting. The ruthless psychiatrist was right about one thing, however: Kara had completely withdrawn.

For the entire first week after what she referred to as the ‘incident’ in her mind, Kara was bed bound and recovering from serious first-degree skin burns mostly inflicting her arms. Alex dutifully took extra shifts to watch over her every single minute, never speaking about it, despite the deep guilt Kara could see plain as day etched in her hazel eyes. Eyes that no longer met hers whenever she tended to her. Kara was desperate to tell Alex that she would never blame her for what she had gone through; that it was by no means her fault. Nevertheless, her impaired hands denied her the simple wish for communication even through basic written words. This inability to her only remaining tool for expression caused Kara multiple breakdowns in the first few days. Episodes they needed to calm her with sedatives.

To Kara’s utter disappointment, Mike never showed up at her side a second time, leading Kara to doubt her sanity all over again. Perhaps most seriously for the first time. By the end of that week, Kara was completely convinced that what she had seen was merely a trick of her mind, courtesy of severe pain and a high dose of painkiller. The self conviction became so solidified that even seeing him in the cafeteria the day she was finally released from bed rest wasn't enough to change her mind. She stopped eating and interacting with him, or anyone else for that matter. She ignored his quizzical stares sent her way. She stopped going to the common room or the group therapy. She became apathetic.

As soon as her latest meaningless session with Lena Luthor was finished, nurse Gand was there to usher her outside as usual, but instead of taking her to her room, she took Kara to the common room for the first time in two weeks. Kara shuddered as the Head Nurse sat her on a table covered with papers and crayons. This was no recess or creative exercise like the previous times she was awarded with such supplies. No, this was a test. A trap set by the director’s sister to see if she had any tendency to promote her delusions again, which she didn’t, and even if she had any peace of mind to draw at that moment, she wasn’t stupid enough to take the bait.

Kara pushed away the blank papers resentfully the moment Nurse Gand walked away and covered her face with her still lightly bandaged hands, wishing she was in the safety of her room, where no one could see her. Her heart fluttered in anxiousness like a trapped sparrow in a cage.

The vacant chair across the table was shifted and Kara felt more than heard someone occupying it with the kind of cautiousness not just anyone showed. She knew who it was even before retracting the shield of her hands from her eyes.

It had become their ritual apparently, to stare into each other’s souls and seek their own reflections there. This time, though, Kara was fast to sever the link as the pain she saw in his eyes evoked emotions and images she was determined to extinguish. He, on the other hand, kept on gazing at her with furrowed brows and unbelievably caring eyes. 

“Kara, are you ok?” he asked in a hushed voice, already knowing the answer from the crestfallen expression on her face.

She refused to attempt an answer, refused to even look at him. Not when the Head Nurse was observing her from afar for that very interaction. She refused to give them the pleasure of thinking they had done anything to help her get better in any way.

His hand reached across the table for her limp one laying there and stopped halfway as though coming to his senses, realizing where they were. The gesture alone, however, was enough for Kara to gasp lightly and lift her head to search his eyes.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk to me.” Mike cocked his head to stealthily eye the vigilant older woman monitoring them from the other side of the room. He had correctly read her reluctance. “But I just wanted to say I’m so sorry if I scared you the other day in your room. I was just so worried and needed to see you,” he apologized quietly so no one besides her could hear it. The admission shook Kara to her core. He had really been in her room. She hadn’t made it all up just to cope with the pain.

The amazement on her face was seemingly the welcoming cue he had been waiting for all along. “I can’t imagine what you must have gone through, Kara,” he added with sad empathic eyes. “I just…” Mike sneaked a peek at their discreet observer again before continuing in an even lower voice, “...wanted to know, who is ‘Mon-El’?”

Kara frantically looked around, hearing her own heart slamming in fear and shock. How could he know that name?

His hand twitched, seeing her visibly distressed, as if keeping himself from reaching for her hand again. “You have nothing to worry about. I won’t tell anyone,” he assured softly to calm her. “You were in so much pain, you kept calling that name, holding my hand.” 

Unwantedly, her eyes welled up as she looked into his, torn between the desperate wish of telling him and fear of total rejection. Dropping her head, Kara watched the teardrops soaking the bandage on her shaking and fisted hands in her lap. Either way, Kara realized that she had nothing to lose anymore.

Raising her head, Kara took in a deep breath and fully met his questioning gaze again. Glancing at the Head Nurse, she found her engaged in a conversation with another nurse at that moment, distracted. It was her only chance. Kara lifted her right hand and pointed at Mike with her index finger. The action causing her still healing skin to stinge. He gave her a puzzled look with raised brows, about to ask more questions, but she didn’t wait to clarify her meaning any further as she got up and headed towards the nurses. She was ready to retire to her room for the day even if it was still early.

* * *

Kara’s sessions with Lena Luthor went exactly the same for two weeks, until the woman declared her fit again to go through another Hydrotherapy session in the following week, and twice a month after that. She heard her claiming that it usually took at least six months before the subjects showed any progress.

Life had never been as dark as the days leading to her next Hydrotherapy session.

In the morning of that dreadful day, Kara was already awake when the loud wake up call rang through the hallways. In fact, she had been awake the entire night, unable to close her eyes for even a minute in fear of what laid ahead that day.

Alex was the first person she met after getting dressed. The young brunette nurse wore a grim expression, still holding back from meeting Kara’s eyes while helping her wear the clean cardigan she had brought for her to fight off the bitter cold. The day before, after her last meeting with doctor Luthor, Kara had overheard Alex arguing with the Head Nurse and some doctors to call off the barbaric Hydrotherapy treatment, but she couldn’t succeed in getting herself heard any further than Kara’s voice. What she had gotten in return had been a serious threat of job contract termination. 

That morning, Alex had arranged for breakfast in Kara’s own room, so as to help reduce her anxiety. Even so, Kara was incapable of eating anything, and Alex only managed to convince the hopeless patient to drink some water.

Kara’s legs shook uncontrollably with every step towards the same damned room with bathtubs. Looking at her only companion, she read the mortification written across Alex’s face more vividly than ever and she realized it fully then. There was no stopping what was about to happen to her, again. There was no hope left anymore. 

She surrendered to her fate when they strapped her in the same tub again. She chose to think of Mike and her last memory of his confused eyes as she had left him in the common room instead. Of the tears he had shed over hers, and of the warmth of his lips when they had brushed against her forehead so sweetly.

Deep into detaching from the present, Kara didn’t notice that the water was not getting any warmer, unlike the time before, and only came around when the people around her started a conversation.

“Why aren’t the pumps working?” Lena Luthor complained as she kept opening and closing a valve in irritation. Nothing seemed to change.

The orderly in the room looked around the pipes and then shrugged. “I’m not sure, ma’am. Maybe there’s something wrong with the mechanism.” He pointed at the pipe that carried the hot flow from the floor below.

The inexperienced psychiatrist frowned as she touched the pipe at the foot of the equipped tub. Her hills clicked annoyingly against the tiles. “This is absolutely cold! Go fetch me the person responsible for this!” She barked at the man, causing him to sprint into action.

Kara watched Alex’s startled expression and they made eye contact briefly before the same orderly rushed back inside with the Head Nurse in toe.

“My deepest apologies, Miss Luthor, but the main boiler is going under some repairs at the moment,” Nurse Gand ruefully stated. 

“What’s the meaning of this? Why wasn’t I informed earlier?” Lena Luthor criticized.

“Unfortunately the boiler has turned off during the night. We are short of warm water and heat in the entire building today.”

“How did this happen?”

“The engineer is still investigating the main cause, but it appears a key piece of the boiler is damaged.”

“How unfortunate. When is this piece replaced? Today I hope?”

“The engineer, sadly, does not possess this piece and has to send a notice to acquire it from the manufacturer. He estimates it will take a week before the piece is shipped to his workshop.”

“A week?! That is unacceptable!” 

“I’m truly sorry for the inconvenience, Miss Luthor, but I don’t believe you can proceed with Miss Zorel’s treatment until further notice.”

If she could, Kara would have laughed out maniacally at the look of total disbelief on Lena Luthor’s face, no matter how unamusing the entire ordeal was to her. Judging by Alex’s face standing on her left, she too seemed rather amused. Somehow, however, the livid doctor interpreted the hopeful look on the nurse’s face as something far sinister, causing Kara’s heart to drop as fast as it had risen.

“Nurse Danvers, should I find out you or anyone else of this incompetent staff had _anything_ to do with sabotaging the boiler, you are going to lose your job, and I will personally see to it that no one ever offers you another.” 

Alex gaped at the red faced psychiatrist, about to defend herself against the bold accusation, but the Head Nurse intervened. “I’m sure Nurse Danvers has nothing to do with this. It’s all just an unfortunate coincidence.” She took her nurse’s side to both Kara and Alex’s surprise.

“I shall hope so, for your own sake, Nurse Gand, or else I will hold you responsible for your staff’s incapacity as well,” Lena Luthor bitterly threatened the Head Nurse this time before storming out.

The Head Nurse squinted at Alex in suspicion for a moment. “Clean up this place and take the patient back to her room,” she ordered her and the stunned orderly, and rushed out to calm down the angry Psychiatrist. 

The orderly removed the thick cover from the tub but had to leave immediately when he was called for extra help to handle a frenzied patient. Alex wordlessly took over the rest of the work alone and continued to untie Kara from her restraints gently, even though she was rather unnerved from the turn of events.

Kara felt empty and unsettled, suddenly free from the dark weight that had been twisting her insides for days, or perhaps weeks, and suddenly burst into tears of relief the moment her hands became free again, sitting in that tub, soaked to the bone and shuddering. Alex’s strong hands held her shoulders, her own eyes filling with tears. Unexpectedly, her arms wrapped around Kara’s torso without a care of the water that was lapping at the rim in waves, soaking her uniform. Loud sobs rocked Kara’s body, echoing against the cold tiles and then turning muffled as she hugged Alex back as tight as she could and hid her face in the safety of her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For readers not familiar with the American metric (like myself), 119 degrees Fahrenheit is equal to about 48 degrees of Celsius.  
> According to this guide from American Burn Association, I found under this address: http://ameriburn.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/scaldinjuryeducatorsguide.pdf
> 
> "The most common regulatory standard for the maximum temperature of water delivered by residential water heaters to the tap is 120 degrees Fahrenheit/48 degrees Celsius. At this temperature, the skin of adults requires an average of five minutes of exposure for a full thickness burn to occur."
> 
> The disorder called "Pseudologia Fantastica", is used for Pathological lying. I have no claims to know exactly how this disorder affects the person but the idea came to me after watching the movie "Stonehearst Asylum"
> 
> The title of the chapter is taken from the song Ever Dream by Nightwish, which has helped me a lot in writing this work. Special thanks to @akane171 for introducing me to Nightwish band and the awe and some Symphonic Metal music. <33  
> If you like, you can listen to the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxKqn5UzEdo
> 
> Sorry for the hard chapter... I'll fix it... sorta... 
> 
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> P.s: I might have been so into The Queen's Gambit while writing this chapter and it shows...


	4. Taking Over

That afternoon, when Kara was feeling calm for the first time in a month, she showed interest in spending some time in the common room. Upon her arrival, she instantly sensed the obvious chill in the air thanks to the broken boiler that had deprived the entire facility of any warmth in the middle of one of the coldest winters she remembered. As a result, patients were either pacing, or shuddering with arms wrapped around themselves. Or both, despite the extra layer of the identical institute regulated grey cardigans.

As she reached the center of the room, seeking a safe and quiet corner, she noticed Mike and Eve waving at her from the far side, sitting at their usual table with Winn. Gulping down, Kara contemplated her options and in the end, chose to join them despite her hesitation.

The closer she got to their table, the clearer she saw the smiles - tight albeit genuine - fixed on their faces while watching her approach. 

“Kara, I’m so glad to see you here today.” Winn was the first to greet her, standing up.

Kara offered her friend an appreciative simple nod.

“We all are,” Eve seconded, gesturing for her to take the only empty chair at the table. 

“We were counting on it,” Mike added as he tilted his head to look at the table next to them, where Brainy was seen deep in thought with elbows resting on the table, hands interlaced in front of his face, staring at a chessboard without an opponent. Only a few of Brainy’s black pieces were left, while the imaginary white appeared to dominate the game with all the pieces intact.

The sight was nothing bizarre to Kara as the genius thinker often preferred to play chess on his own, claiming no one was good enough to measure up to his level. Except for Winn, of course. Yet what she didn’t expect was the man vocalizing one of his moves, which he rarely ever did.

“Black Knight takes White Queen. Black Queen back to E-One,” He said as he moved a black Knight and pushed the mentioned white piece off the board. He then put the discarded Black Queen back on the board, in its original place next to the Black King. Kara was pretty sure that was not a legal move.

Kara ignored the irrelevant interjections and sat on her chair nervously, fidgeting with a loose thread of her sleeve while avoiding Mike, who was once again sitting across from her and watchful of her every expression.

“We heard about the new treatment,” Winn claimed in a somber tone. “I’m so sorry, Kara.”

“This new doctor is torturing a few others too,” Eve said, causing Kara to finally look up at her. Eve nodded at another patient in a wheelchair close to one of the barred windows. Kara shuddered to herself, looking at Leslie Willis, so quiet and detached. So unlike her usual cocky self. The woman had been rude and unapproachable since the moment the two had met and decided to hate each other. It was said Leslie had tried to set fire to her boss’s house in revenge for getting fired, and now she was staring ahead blankly with her wild hair turned unusually white and sparse.

As if reading the question on her mind, Eve continued. “Gayle told me the crazy doctor went to town with electric shocks on her.”

Kara gasped, feeling anger surging into her veins at such crude and abusive treatments forced on others besides herself, no matter the crime they had committed. The table fell quiet momentarily following Eve’s words and Kara couldn’t avert her eyes from the forlorn sight of Leslie. Just then, Kara spotted Gayle Marsh, offering her friend an apple she had clearly smuggled from lunch. They were an odd pair, to say the least, argued a lot, had absolutely nothing in common, and still, they cared about each other.

A strong gust of wind suddenly rattled the grated windows, startling them. Some orderlies and patients, including Mike, rushed to watch the view outside. A powerful snowstorm was hitting and had the entire building in its clutch. 

“So, apparently we’re going to be snowed in for the time being,” Mike told them as soon as he returned to their table with the news.

“We’re in the middle of a snowstorm  _ without _ any heating!?” Eve groaned.

“At this rate, it will be a lot longer than just a week to ship that boiler part from the factory,” Winn said perceptively and the tone of his assessment suddenly astonished Kara. How did he know so much about the boiler? The Head Nurse never disclosed inside information to random patients willingly, but there was always the possibility that they had overheard another staff member speaking about the matter. Either way, Kara couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more behind the sudden cancelation of her treatment than a simple coincidence. She eyed Winn carefully for a moment. He looked away quickly, slightly flustered. Eve and Mike, on the other hand, appeared unbothered, and Brainiac was so immersed in his one-player chess match as if he weren’t aware of the world around him. Kara noticed him taking out a white Bishop with a black Rook. His only Rook. In fact, Kara found his gameplay rather strange with only five black pieces. A Knight, a Bishop, a Rook, the Queen, and last but not least, the King.

The rest of the afternoon went by uneventful. Even though she disliked the cold, Kara found a semblance of solace in simply watching her friends play backgammon or listen to them talking to each other. She appreciated them greatly for not pushing her to interact. It was nice not being obligated to do anything for a while. With them, she could just be herself.

* * *

Because of the broken boiler and turned off radiators, all the patients - except for the few who were either in the infirmary or too unstable - were to sleep in the big hall on the ground floor during the nights. Wood burning stoves were brought in to provide the very much needed warmth against one of the coldest blizzards of the decade.

A harsh cold week went by like that. On the bright side, however, Kara and all the other patients were relieved from their pre-scheduled treatments until further notice. Instead, they were given more drugs to keep them more docile than usual. Even the food tasted laced with antidepressants. 

Kara managed to convince Alex that she was doing fine and to take some days off, after being by her side constantly for a whole month, following her first Hydrotherapy session. She found the tired nurse napping on a chair one morning and couldn’t stand her stretching herself so thin for her sake any longer.

In the second week of the blizzard, one morning right after breakfast, the Head Nurse fetched Kara right in front of the cafeteria doors as she was stepping outside, claiming that the nefarious doctor Luthor had summoned her to her office. Kara became jittery instantly. This time, Alex wasn’t around either and her absence only helped intensify her anxiousness.

Kara looked over her shoulder at Mike, Winn and Eve. Her new friends that had been there for her every single day since the beginning of the storm. They were all watching her in confusion and concern, but Mike’s eyes shone with something ominous and frigid. The storm in his eyes was of fury, but not directed at her. His ferociousness was burning like touching an icicle, and it scared Kara. She tried to convey some calm through a simple nod. She imagined a follow up check up in the doctor’s office couldn’t be anything that bad.

The moment the Head Nurse pushed her into that same hallway leading to the Hydrotherapy room, Kara became paralyzed with fear because she sensed something was wrong. She was told that she was wanted in the doctor’s office, which was on the fourth floor, and not that damned room. No matter her defiance, two orderlies arrived as if on cue, and dragged her along forcefully, triggering an unimaginable amount of dark memories. She had no power to stop what was going to happen. Just as she never had before and was never going to have. The broken boiler had merely delayed her ill fate.

When they entered the Hydrotherapy room, Kara fully expected to see the steaming tub awaiting her, but what she found was the complete opposite. It was a tub filled with ice cubes. As another nurse removed her extra layerings, Kara started shaking - not just because of the intense cold. She was surrounded by reinforcements, like a prey cornered by a pack of wolves. The doctor, wrapped in a thick coat of fur, wore a smug smile, watching them prepare Kara for her new Hydrotherapy treatment.

“I’m glad you could finally make it, Miss Zorel,” Lena Luthor said with disturbing delightness. “We might not have hot water for some time, but that shouldn’t stop us from continuing with your very essential treatment. Today we will be trying another proven type of Hydrotherapy with cold shocks.”

Kara felt sick to her stomach.

The cold shock was somehow even worse than the burns from the scorching water. This time, Kara’s screams ceased much faster than the previous time. The freezing water leached on her energy, silencing her mind and body like the snap of a finger. Even so, she found it less painful when she - or rather, her body - gave up struggling and caring altogether. She felt as though floating, then immersed in that tub, departing her body and stepping into nothingness. This time she saw no visions, no memories, no faces. She was drowning deeper in bottomless darkness.

In the middle of her forced trance, Kara was no longer conscious to register the commotion and noises getting closer and closer to the Hydrotherapy room with worrying acceleration. What she did feel though, was being held within warm arms, her limbs somehow freed, and her body out of the ice. 

The first face gracing her eyes, the moment she overcame the faintness, was his.

“M- Mon-El...” Kara stammered his name - his true name - in a whisper through heavily chattering teeth.

“Kara, stay with me!” Mike pleaded as he wrapped his only cardigan around her violently shaking body. “I’m gonna get you out of here,” he promised, before pulling her closer and standing up with unwavering strength as if she weighed no more than a feather. He rushed out of the room, running, but Kara could not see anything. People, voices, shouts and bangs were all so far away and unimportant. All that mattered was him, his warmth engulfing her, bringing her back to life, and his solid chest providing shelter to her feeble body. It wasn’t bound to last for long, she sensed that, but it was enough as she drifted back into the darkness.

* * *

The next time Kara opened her eyes, her calm state became instantly replaced by a paralyzing tiredness that felt adamant in keeping her entire body bound to the bed she was lying on, tucked under two blankets. She was in the same cot she had been sleeping on since the beginning of the snowstorm, along with others. This time, upon waking up, instead of Mike, she found Alex watching her in worry.

“Kara, you’re awake!” Alex exclaimed and hurried to help her sit up properly against the pillow.

Kara shuddered at the cold, which made her bones scream in ache and suddenly felt too warm. Her head throbbed heavily and she felt weak in a way she rarely ever had before. It was sometime during the day, but when, Kara had no idea since every single day looked the same dim grey and dull at any given hour before nightfall.

“You’re running a fever,” Alex provided, and Kara saw the bowl of water with a rug on her lap. She wondered if the kind nurse had been taking care of her all through the night again. “You must have caught a bad cold,” she added tragically, and as if to prove her, Kara was suddenly attacked by a coughing fit that rattled her body painfully.

Alex rubbed Kara’s back and helped her with a glass of water. Kara groaned and fell back into the bed, absolutely exhausted from nothing. Even that simple act hurt her chest and sore throat. 

For the next following days, Kara was once again on bed rest and recovering from the worst case of cold she remembered she had ever caught. And once again, Alex was by her side tirelessly, helping her through the fever dreams and feeding her soup in bed while she was too weak to even sit upright. For the most part, Kara barely registered what was going on around her as the sickness had left her mind fuzzy and dysfunctional, but after gaining some health, she started wondering about others and how she was even saved from that Hydrotherapy session. Everything was a mystery to her.

She noticed one night that Eve’s cot, located just a few beds to her right side, was empty, and that it remained that way the next night. Kara asked Alex on a paper note and she looked away reading it, shrugging. Her reaction gave Kara an ominous feeling. The nurse was obviously reluctant to tell her anything, and that wasn’t a good sign.

The ill-boding feeling doubled when Kara was strong enough to roam the common room again and found it unusually deserted. Thankfully, however, Kara spotted Winn sitting alone in his usual corner next to Brainy’s chess station and headed towards him with newfound determination. As she got closer, though, her stomach dropped upon seeing his utterly depressed appearance, crouched, dejected and zoned out. Her steps faltered in horror, and she came to a stop when she saw the ugly purple and swollen eye on the face of the young genius. How anyone could ever do such a thing to this gentle, brilliant and harmless man, was beyond her.

Winn noticed Kara standing there and staring with trembling lips, and eyes that were seemingly on the verge of shedding tears. He stood up, revealing a cut under the bruised eye.

“Kara!” he called in a genuinely cheery tone despite his disturbing state, motioning at her to join him at the table. Kara instantly walked forward, passing by Brainy on the way. He was still playing the same game from the first day of the snowstorm. It was as if he had never even moved since then. The only difference was that now the black Knight and black Bishop were taken out, leaving behind only two pieces to defend the black King. She didn’t pause to wonder why Brainy was so persistent in keeping on with this odd and clearly losing hand. She had more important issues in mind.

Kara didn’t even need to spell it out for Winn to know what she was going to ask. He told her everything. Winn told her that Mike had approached him a few days after Kara’s first Hydrotherapy session with the idea of doing something to stop the new doctor Luthor from hurting her further. Kara’s heart fluttered with fear and undefined emotions. She could not believe her own ears when Winn spoke about how Mike had become obsessed with taking action. In the end, with the help of Brainy and Eve, they had come up with a neat plan to break into the boiler room and take out the source of heat and effectively stop Lena Luthor.

On the afternoon of the day before her failed second Hydrotherapy session, Eve had started distracting one of the orderlies by flirting with him, allowing Mike the chance to sneak out of the common room and into a hallway. At the end of that hallway was an aperture used for dispatching the dirty sheets down to the laundry room in the basement, just wide enough for a slender person to fit through.

Mike had bravely slid down the vent, diving right into the pile of smelly sheets, and as they had planned in detail beforehand, had looked around for an orderly outfit to blend in. Brainy had assured that given that the staff in the basement never interacted with the patients, the odds of him being recognized was one to 214. In other words, very low.

From there on, Mike had successfully gotten inside the boiler room. He had next taken out the metallic piece Winn had instructed him to remove, demolishing it with a wrench nearby before putting it back where it belonged to make the engineer think the piece had worn out over time. Mike had then gotten himself back to the first floor again, via stairs changed back into his patient garbs in the staircase before dropping the outfit in that same vent, and sneaked back into the common room, claiming that he had been to the bathroom when asked. They had simply scolded him for not letting anyone know.

When Winn didn’t continue and his face turned sad, Kara’s heart dropped. She could sense that the rest of the story was nothing like the first half. 

“Kara, the morning they took you for that unexpected visit to Lena Luthor, Mike sensed something bad was going to happen to you. But we had no time to plan, no time to think ahead. Mike just… he completely lost it.” He shook his head, wincing as the motion agitated his facial wounds. “All of the sudden, he picked a fight with a random orderly, but it didn’t take long before they tried to ambush him, so he had to improvise and… and took one of the nurses as a hostage, in a chokehold!” Winn shivered at recalling the sight.

Kara covered her mouth in disbelief. She never could have imagined Mike doing such a thing.

“And so he managed to bargain his way out of the circle of orderlies ready to beat the crap out of him in a moment's notice, but as soon as he was out, Eve started on the other side of the corridor to distract them and suddenly other patients started to riot! It was a total mess. I didn’t see her anymore. I followed Mike until we made it to the room where you were held with a bunch of very angry men on our tail. Mike intimidated the doctor and the Head Nurse the same way and when everyone was out of the way, he let go of that frightened nurse who ran for her life. I locked the door from inside until he got you out of the tub, but the moment I opened it someone pushed the door so hard into my face that it knocked me out.” Winn paused to cautiously rub around his swollen eye before adding, “I’m not sure how far Mike managed to get. I wasn’t around to see it, but they must have taken him down not so long after me...”

Kara was unknowingly trembling at that point. What Mike had done to save her was insane. She couldn’t understand why he had gone to such extremes to keep her from inevitable harm in this asylum. What had he been thinking? Just then Kara realized Winn had left out the only question she had had on mind since the beginning of this exotic tale. Where were Mike and Eve now? Kara motioned around them with a shrug, hoping the smart man in front of her could catch her signal, and fortunately, he did right away.

“They… they were transferred to the Criminals Ward for attacking and injuring the staff,” Winn answered with a fallen expression. His voice barely above a whisper.

Kara’s hands were shaking in fear. The Criminals Ward was the worst place in existence. If what they went through in the General Ward was considered atrocious and inhumane, it was nothing compared to the horrors that happened to the patients kept in those dark cells one level below the basement. They locked up truly insane lunatics and serial killers in that place that never saw the light of the day. It was a one way trip to hell on Earth, and now Mike and Eve were in that hell.

Tears fell down Kara’s face non-stop. How could she live with herself now, knowing the unimaginable suffering her friends were going under at that very moment? Treated like animals, even worse, while she sat there freely and could watch the sky slowly opening up and the frost starting to thaw. How could she save them? She was powerless to stop her own misery, how could she put an end to someone else’s?

“Kara?” Winn called her, gaining her attention again. “Mike asked me to give you this, before... you know, before he decided to start a mess.” He checked to see if someone was looking their way, and then slid a small rectangular black box towards her. 

With shaking hands, Kara cradled the box and gently opened it. She found a folded paper laid inside and reached for it with a racing heart. The texture was familiar and as soon as she unfolded it, she realized why. It was the painting of her dream wheat field with Saturn in the sky. The one she had given him on that day that felt like a lifetime ago. But that wasn’t the only paper he had kept. Right beneath the painting, Kara found that piece of paper she had written down notes to him on that same day. Reading the notes only caused more tears to join the older ones on her face, remembering that day and how nice it had felt, bonding with Mike for the first time. Suddenly she noticed a third line that hadn’t been there before, in a handwriting that looked different from hers.

_ ‘As long as you’re safe.’ _

Kara touched the wavy letters, feeling her heart crush, reading the five words over and over to herself. She recalled hearing those exact same words in that hallucinated state during her first Hydrotherapy session. How was this possible? Was it just a coincidence? Or was it her delusions again?

Confused and heartbroken, Kara put the papers aside and decided to inspect the rest of the contents of the box. The interior was covered by a soft red velvet fabric and on the inside cap some words were sewed elegantly with golden thread: 

_ For his conspicuous act of valor,  _

_ Mike Matthews  _

_ receives the Medal of Honor _

Kara’s breath was lodged in her chest, gripped by awe as she stared at the magnificent gold medal hidden and neglected under the cheap papers this entire time. The medal was in the shape of a star, attached upon a beautiful emerald ring. The word ‘VALOR’ was engraved in block letters on its topmost part, connecting the medal to a blue ribbon. Mike had been awarded this medal for his heroic acts in the war but had failed to ever mention such significant detail about himself to anyone. She had once or twice heard the ceremony over the radio before, as the president himself put these medals around the neck of the war heroes, yet she had never paid them any attention. They didn’t affect her life in the asylum then, and yet here she was sitting with one in hand while its original recipient was imprisoned and tortured three floors beneath her feet. Kara was once again shaken to her core as it dawned on her. All that was left of a man named Mike Matthews in this world was in her hands now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the plot thickens but I hope you still liked this chapter. Thank you for reading.
> 
> The title of the chapter is taken from the song Taking Over Me by Evanescence. If you like, you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMkWGoI-GpY
> 
> An image of the mentioned medal of honor is in the moodboard posted on top of the first chapter, if you're curious about it. It's a real deal for war heroes in the US.
> 
> And last but not least, Happy Internation Women's Day to all of you strong, inspiring women out there <3


	5. Never Go Back

The snowstorm was over and the roads were open again. It didn’t take long for the boiler to finally get fixed afterward, and for things to go back to normal at Cadmus. But for Kara and some others, it was far from the normal they had grown accustomed to. Even if Kara’s life appeared just as before the storms that had interrupted her treatment, the absence of the friends she cared about had turned everything intolerable.

Not a day went by without Kara thinking of a way to save Mike and Eve. Every awake, coherent moment was spent with them in mind, reflecting on their sacrifice and what it meant to her. Every night, as she lay in bed, drooping from the drugs, Kara reached automatically for the small box hidden between the wall and the frame of her bed. She read his short, nonetheless, meaningful words over and over to herself, praying that he was somehow okay, and longing for the day she could see him again in a place other than her dreams. The day she could  _ hold  _ him.

An entire month went by in this agony, and even though Kara was subjected to Hydrotherapy four more times during this time, her physical pain paled in what went through her mind, imagining her friends’ suffering in the Criminals Ward. No matter the new medication, therapy method, or questioning sessions that were no short of interrogations by Lena Luthor, Kara didn’t waver, didn’t utter a word and was determined to stay focused on her friends' precarious livelihood. She owed them that much, and she wasn’t about to give up on finding a way - no matter how impossible it seemed - to save them. She had hope.

The cool early spring breeze wafted through the hallways. The sun shone more often and for much longer, but the days had never felt hollower. 

As Kara sat in the common room, playing chess with Winn, neither paid much attention to their moves while discussing a possible plan to infiltrate the Criminals Ward.

“We’ve already been over this, Kara. You can’t blend in. They have actual police officers down there. With guns,” Winn argued with a frustrated huff as he discarded one of Kara’s white Pawns, removing it from the board absentmindedly and replacing it with his Rook. “And before you say it- I mean  _ write  _ it, we have no idea if they even allow ordinary nurses down there. Besides, you wouldn’t be able to exactly  _ talk  _ yourself in there, no offense,” He hurriedly added. Kara rolled her eyes, but didn’t really mind him saying that. He had a valid point. Kara withdrew her white Knight to a safe distance from Winn’s dangerous black Rook that had been taking out her pieces without a break.

The biggest hole in their non-plan was the lack of any accurate information about the subterranean ward, beyond knowing the obvious facts, that it was guarded with authorities, weapons and many more bars and locks. Kara had wondered if they could reach the place the same way Mike had ventured to the basement. But infiltrating the criminal ward required an entirely different level of planning and resources they didn’t possess. And the infuriating flaw throughout all their brainstormings, was ignoring what was to happen  _ after  _ saving their friends. They both knew well that they couldn’t stay at the asylum anymore. In other words, what they were trying to plan was a prison break.

“Look, Kara,” Winn’s exasperated voice drew her out of the disappointing thoughts. “I know you can’t stop thinking about them, I can’t either, but you've got to stop this at some point. We can’t break them out like this, just the two of us without any help,” Winn said, taking out the same Knight Kara had just saved with her Queen. “The  _ only  _ possible way is if they somehow transferred them out of that place, and then we had outside help, and a car or something so they could flee with, and even then, there is no telling if everything would go as planned,” he finished his thought as he ignored Kara’s laughable attempt of taking out one his Pawns and glided his Rook all the way to her defenseless corner. “Check,” he stated.

Kara contemplated his words, saw the truth in them, yet didn’t want to accept defeat. She moved back her own Queen to shield her King. Winn chased her and took out the mighty piece, but Kara took out his Rook with her second, still-intact White Knight.

“You know it’s only a matter of time before you lose, right?” Winn asked with a raised brow and Kara grimaced at him, expressing her desire for him to just keep playing and stop boasting. At the same time, though, she couldn’t be sure if he were talking about their plans or the game.

Kara imagined nothing would have worked out, that their plans would have kept going around that failed loop, if not for what happened just a few days after Kara lost in chess once again to Winn. 

Lex Luthor was visiting the General Ward in a surprisingly good mood, accompanied by his sister and some other high profile looking doctors, whom Kara had never seen before. She subtly followed them around the common room with her eyes, listening. They were speaking lightly, exchanging scientific terms she didn’t understand a word of, with an unprecedented excitement that made her terribly nervous for no apparent reason. 

Her nervousness proved not at all misplaced when she overheard them talking about a new surgical treatment that was going to be performed for the first time at Cadmus on two patients by none other than Lena Luthor. The event was especially of significance since it was going to be followed by a fundraiser gala that same night. The Luthor family was inviting rich donors from all over the country to showcase their success in running the asylum and entice them to invest in new treatment methods to better help the poor patients. Or so they said.

Kara didn’t even react when Alex informed her that her Hydrotherapy session that week was canceled. All the other therapy sessions and routines had also been affected by the fastly approaching event that had sent a buzz through people, patients and staff, in two entirely different ways. While doctors were excited and curious to find out the results of the surgery, for the patients, a new treatment only meant more horrors for them to face. The fear of becoming one of the two zero patients had destabilized the mental state of many, worsening some terribly. It was as if a dark wail was drawn over the asylum, even darker than it already was.

Alex didn’t appear as eager or impressed as the rest of the nurses, Kara noticed. She had overheard another nurse thanking Alex for taking over a shift so she could witness this surgery up close in the Operation Theatre with the rest of the attendants. Her heart had sunk deep in revulsion. They were going to make a show of butchering innocent humans by the day, and then throw a party in the night.

Two days before the big event, Kara met with Winn in the common room, still as clueless as ever about the identity of the two ill-fated patients who were going to be operated on.

Winn sat across from her, rubbing his hands obsessively as his disorder had become worse than ever over the past few days, compelling him to clean them so excessively to the point his skin was breaking. Nevertheless, Kara sensed the man carried even more disturbance within his slumped posture than usual, if that were possible. 

One questioning look from Kara and he shivered to himself uncontrollably as he revealed the cause behind his melancholy. “I- I heard two orderlies this m- morning,” Winn stammered and the next breath was captured in Kara’s chest as she anticipated the bad news she was about to receive. “The t- two patients are Mike and Eve.” 

* * *

The dawn was breaking and Kara’s eyes were wide open, transfixed to the ceiling, lying on her back on the bed. She watched - but not really seeing - her room filling up with brave young sun rays. Her right hand was caressing the small black box resting on her chest, concealed by the blanket, protecting it from prying eyes. All that was on her mind was what was going to happen in just a few hours and how she was about to steer the course of it. 

Slipping from under the covers, Kara put Mike’s belongings back in the usual hiding place behind her bed, dressed long before the wake up call went off, and was ready to step outside as soon as an orderly unlocked her door.

Standing in the line to collect her breakfast at the cafeteria had never felt as tedious as it did that morning. Kara sat next to Winn, her usual spot for the past month, but neither acknowledged the other, both too pale and too preoccupied with the gravity of what they were going to do in the next few hours. Kara only spared a glance at Brainy, who was sitting alone three tables away. She was so envious of his typical, calm and collected demeanor. 

The emotionless genius had been their last hope after an entire month of refusal in participating in their discussions to save Mike and Eve. After he was informed of the terrifying truth about their friends’ impending doom, Kara had sat patiently, watching him playing that same odd chess game once again with just three black pieces against an army of whites. While waiting with a fearful heart, however, she had finally started to see what Brainy had meant by that particular game all along. Three black pieces, the King, a Rook and the Queen. Her eyes had stopped on the discarded black Knight and Bishop on the side of the board, and it had hit her then, remembering his strange words from before.

_ ‘Black knight takes white queen. Black Queen back to E-One.’ _

The pieces had been reflections of them. The black Knight was Mike who had taken down the white Queen, aka Lena Luthor, to save Kara, the black Queen. The Bishop outside of the board next to the lonely Knight then had to represent Eve, while the wandering Rook, keeping close to his Queen was Winn. Only one piece was left now. The black King.

“So you’re the King?” Winn had suddenly asked out loud, confirming Kara’s theory about Brainy’s game.

Brainy had finally looked up at them and rolled his eyes, unimpressed. “Took you long enough,” he had said condescendingly.

“Are you going to help us, or not? We don’t have much time. We have to save them,” Winn had pleaded and Kara could only nod along to second him with a furrowed brow.

Brainy had gazed at the chessboard again, exhaling slowly. She could easily imagine the cogs in his brain turning to produce the solution they had been seeking and failing to form.

His following words had led to them sitting in contemplation in the cafeteria on that rare sunny morning. 

“Only five orderlies this morning,” Winn mumbled to Kara quietly, counting the men in white, standing guard by the walls. 

It was just as Brainy had foretold. Three of the other usual orderlies were nowhere to be seen and quite possibly assigned to attend to the two patients for the surgery. Two for Mike and one for Eve, as they considered a woman easier to handle with just a single orderly. And three fewer orderlies meant less security to get past through to get Kara to the storage room on the second floor.

For the first time since giving up on her fight against the people who had tried to fix her at Cadmus, Kara had stopped taking her pills after Brainy explained to them how they were going to disrupt the event. She needed to be able to think clearly and move faster than usual and the drugs they gave her were an obstacle she had to skip. To her luck - but very obviously predictable to Brainy - the Head Nurse, who always double-checked Kara for consuming her medicine, was not around on those specific days in preparation for the surgery and gala, allowing her to use that old trick of hiding the pills under her tongue. 

After what felt like an eternity, they left the cafeteria and were ushered towards the medicine dispensary between the common room and cafeteria to get their morning doses. Her heart thumped soundly as she stepped closer and closer to the counter and the nurse distributing the pills. She was afraid that her trick wouldn’t work again. Thankfully, nurse Gand was not there that morning either. The event had demanded her attention above any other staff member and that was exactly what they all counted on for their plan to work out.

After successfully deceiving the nurse again, Kara sighed in relief and tried calming herself in order to move forward with the next part of the plan. Escaping to the storage room.

As Brainy had - once again - accurately predicted, the patients were going to be guided back into their rooms instead of being allowed to stay in the common room. They didn’t want to take any chances with fewer orderlies around. But that only helped with their plans further, because Kara would only have one pair of eyes on herself instead of half a dozen, and that pair belonged to none other than Alex Danvers.

When they reached the corridor where her room was located, Kara pretended that she needed to use the toilet, so they changed directions and the friendly nurse accompanied, unsuspicious. The protocol was for the nurse - or the orderly - to wait outside the stall, inside the washroom for the patient, but Alex always waited outside the bathroom when the Head Nurse wasn’t around and gave Kara some privacy, unlike the other nurses. That was what Brainy had also pointed out to be key in this scheme.

Kara entered the stall, feigning. She spat out the pills into the toilet, waiting for a few more seconds before quietly exiting it. Mindful of the squeaking washroom door, she nudged it outwards just enough to peek at Alex’s lean figure, seemingly bored and distracted. The toilet was located on the corner of the corridor, so she only needed a few seconds to get out of sight and into the other corridor. But she had to be as soundless as a cat. Taking off her flat shoes, Kara put them behind the filthy dust bin next to the door and watched Alex again with a pounding heart, waiting for the moment she would look the other way. 

It was now or never. Kara slipped outside, keeping close to the wall and outside of the nurse’s peripheral vision. She toed away on shaking legs and a held breath. Just a few more inches left now. Kara cheered inwardly as her foot reached the turn and the rest of her body followed in a swipe, without any alarms raised. She had done it. She had a hard time believing it herself, but there was no time to just stand there now. 

Kara broke into a run, bare feet, along the deserted hallway. She didn’t pay attention to the cold flooring, stabbing her soles at each touch, too worried about getting caught before reaching her destination. Brainy had instructed that the storage room was in the next hallway, the fourth door to her left. She repeated the short address to herself like a mantra.

Breathless, Kara stumbled slightly before stopping at the next turn of the hallway. Craning her neck, she checked for any staff and barely stifled a surprised cry when an orderly, carrying a heap of clean sheets passed her without seeing her. As she waited glued to the wall behind her, Kara willed her wildly booming heart to calm itself. It had been too close, but she had to keep going. She had no idea how much time she had left before the operation began.

Bracing herself one more time, Kara leaned forward to inspect the hallway. This time her path was clear. She sprinted, counting the doors to her left. One, two, three. The fourth door was closed, but not locked. Just as Brainy had said, Wednesday mornings were for bedsheet changes, and the room remained unlocked between nine and eleven as the staff needed to bring out the cleaned sheets regularly, and the aiding orderly inside the storage, who usually helped around was the one of the three absent that day. Everything was working out smoothly. Kara was inside and alone.

It didn’t take long before Kara managed to find the shelves with extra nurse uniforms among shelves of medicine, sheets, detergents, and other equipment she had no use for. She quickly dressed herself into that same blue outfit she had disliked for years, shaking from raw nerves as she collected her long hair in a bun and adjusted the small cap on her head. There were no mirrors in that room, but it hardly mattered how she looked like now. There was no turning back. She had to find the dumbwaiter used for transporting supplies from the stairs below.

The small elevator whose engineering Winn had spent fifteen minutes describing was right across the room where she was standing. A tiny cabinet inside the wall, designed to carry a stash of blankets and certainly not adult humans. Kara gulped, taking in the tight space and delicate framing of the cabinet with a very dry mouth. It didn’t appear strong enough to carry a person, but the smart mechanic had assured Kara that the pulley system would endure. He had numbers and physics equations to prove his words, therefore Kara was willing to trust him. Kara ignored the pool of anxiety twisting her insides and reminded herself of Mike’s bravery when he had jumped into that vent, down to the basement to save her from more pain. She had to do this for him and Eve. She could do it. Kara started climbing inside the wooden box by putting one foot up when someone barged into the storage room. Wide eyes, Kara shuffled around to hide by ducking behind a trolley, but it was too late. She had been seen.

“Kara!” Alex Danvers hissed quietly before checking the corridor and closing the door behind herself. “What do you think you’re doing?” she asked in disbelief as she walked towards a cowering Kara. 

No matter how startled she appeared, Kara didn’t see anger on the nurse’s face. Alex would never hurt Kara intentionally, yet she started shuddering in despair, thinking about how their plan was now ruined and her friends were going to pay the full price for trying to save her.

Alex crouched down next to her, but Kara refused to look at her. “You’re trying to save them, aren’t you?” she asked.

Kara finally turned to find Alex’s eyes sad, baffled by how easily she had been figured out. She simply nodded in response and hugged her knees even closer to her chest that felt tighter by the second. Alex sighed tiredly and moved to sit next to Kara.

“I saw him sneak into your room that day, you know,” Alex admitted, and Kara stared at her in awe. “I watched him sitting with you without any other care in the world. He stayed there for two whole hours. I have no idea how he sneaked past the orderlies. And I don’t know why, but I have a feeling he had something to do with the boiler accident too. And who can ever forget the riot he ignited the day Luthor gave you that cold shock?” Alex turned to her. “You two really love each other, huh?”

Kara didn’t know how to react to that big word, but her heart fluttered with the emotions she felt for Mike after hearing Alex putting all his actions next to each other on display. He really cared that much about her to do all those things, just to make her life a little less terrible in that place. Was it really love? But at what cost?

Determination replaced the fear in her mind. She couldn’t stop now. Not even if it meant fighting Alex for it. Standing up with trembling fists, Kara brushed at the few tears that had escaped her eyes and glared at Alex intently.

“I guess that answers my question,” Alex muttered, also standing up with raised hands. “Kara, please listen. I’m on your side. I don’t like any of this any more than you do, and I wish I could stop what’s happening. Believe me. But I can’t, and neither can you.”

Kara ignored her as she tried climbing into the dumbwaiter again.

“Kara, please. This isn’t the way. This is madness. I don’t want you to get hurt,” Alex implored, stepping forward to grab her arm. 

Kara paused and stared at her pleading face. There was so much she wished she could tell Alex. Tell her how she would take any hurt over backing down and doing nothing to save Mike and Eve at that moment. Laugh darkly at Alex for wanting to protect her from hurt when all she felt every single day was the pain from the cruel treatments and grief for a family she no longer even remembered. Or snap at her to either let her go or help her if she really cared about them.

Instead, Kara shoved Alex’s grip away from herself and proceeded to fit herself as best as she could in the tight space, ignoring the wobbly surface and the muffled squeak of the cable in response to her added weight. The conflicted nurse didn’t try to stop her any further, contrary to what Kara expected. She remained flabbergasted, simply watching as Kara reached for the rope on the side and pushed it upwards with both hands. The cabinet shuddered before starting to descend at a painfully slow speed. The last thing she saw was Alex’s concerned gaze. She felt guilty for upsetting the kind nurse she loved like a sister, she truly did, but her mind was set. 

Kara continued pushing up the rope as fast as she could and soon, total darkness engulfed her when the cabinet passed the lower edge of the opening on the way down. Her chest constricted with fearful beats. To be trapped in such a suffocatingly small space was even worse than the isolation room. Worse than any treatment she had experienced. Shuddering with a whimper, Kara pushed herself to overcome the claustrophobic panic for just a little longer as her clammy hands worked even harder to move her terrifyingly small prison towards the promised freedom. 

When the first beam of daylight finally poured over her uncomfortably folded legs, she nearly sobbed in relief. In a matter of just a few seconds that felt like a lifetime, her lift finally made it to the destination on the first floor and Kara almost threw herself out in her haste to exit the dumbwaiter, careless to check for any staff member around first. Gasping for more air, her legs were too numb to hold her body upright. Kara slipped to the floor in desperate need of a moment to find herself again. Luckily, the storage room on the first floor was deserted, and she had no unwanted witnesses.

Fear of losing time helped to snap Kara out of the panic. She gripped the ledge of the dumbwaiter and pulled herself up with all her might. She spared a moment to smooth the wrinkles on her dress and adjust her cap before heading towards the door, snatching a discarded paper pad on the way out to complete the disguise.

Kara slipped into the corridor, clutching the pad nervously to her chest. Only two nurses were seen on the far side, engrossed in a conversation. Her heart raced anxiously when she saw them coming her way and tried to keep a neutral expression as they walked past her. She exhaled deeply when they suspected nothing, never even looked in her direction. Her disguise was working.

The southern side of the floor she was on, was the familiar part with the cafeteria to her right and the common room on the left. The back door to the Operating Theater was supposed to be on the northern side of the first floor and the patients were never allowed there. 

Kara started walking along the corridor as fast as she could without appearing suspicious and found her way to the north wing without any complications, considering how empty the hallways were. Even though it made her work easier, it wasn’t entirely a good sign. It meant that the event was underway and she had no idea of whether she was too late. 

The Operating Theater’s main entrance was located on the ground floor, next to the wide marble staircase that guided the newcomers from the chic foyer to the first floor. The patients saw that modern entrance with a beautiful garden only once, upon their arrival. The fake, lavish front was reserved for the sake of normal, sane people.

Finding the polished wooden back doors of the Operating Theater proved very easy. They were wide open and already, Kara could see the crowd gathered inside. The amphitheater was in the shape of a semicircle, with rows of seats ascending around the focal point on the ground level, where the main show was taking place. A congregation of scholars, reporters and medical staff were keenly watching what was happening in the center of the Operating Theater, thus Kara too turned to see what they all were looking at. 

The Luthor siblings, dressed in dark green surgeon gowns, hats and masks, were standing in front of two gurneys that were placed on each side, both occupied by an unconscious body. Kara’s heart skipped a beat, recognizing Mike and Eve in white gowns, strapped down with those infamous leather belts from head to foot. Even from that distance, she could see how much thinner and paler they both appeared after a month in the Criminal Ward. Next to their gurneys were steel tables filled with glinting sharp tools that made Kara feel instantly nauseous.

Too gripped by her panic at the sight of Mike and Eve’s vulnerable position, and over a loudly drumming heart, Kara realized too late that Lex Luthor was in the middle of giving a speech. 

“... successfully alleviated twenty patients suffering from various mental disorders in 1936 by severing the connection between the frontal lobe and other parts of the brain,” Lex explained as he walked towards a projector and put on a slide he had prepared. An image of the human brain appeared on the wall behind him. A part of it was contoured with a red marker. “That same year, what Moniz had achieved through prefrontal leucotomy was already adapted in the United States by Freeman and Watts at the George Washington University Hospital. However, the complications of drilling holes into the scalp have always posed a challenge against the accessibility of the procedure for patients in state psychiatric hospitals that do not possess an operation room, surgeons, or run on limited budgets. That is where the simply genius Transorbital Lobotomy comes into the picture.” Lex changed the slide. The side profile of a hand drawn skull replaced the giant, gnarly, oval shaped brain. A red dot marked a specific place inside the brain, in the vicinity of the forehead, right above the eyehole. Kara shivered uncontrollably. “For this Lobotomy, one needs nothing more than an icepick and a mallet.” He motioned to his sister, who picked up the tools he had just named, showing it to their wide-eyed audience. The thin sharp tool resembled a long nail, and the small steel hammer reflected the light directly to where Kara was standing paralyzed, sending tremors down her spine.

Lex Luthor then took the spike from Lena Luthor and moved back to the slide, illuminated under the projector lamp. “In this simple method, you can reach the frontal lobe through the eye socket,” Lex Luthor instructed as he put the nail shaped tool on the slide and its magnified version instantly appeared as a black solid spear on the map of the head still projecting on the wall. He continued explaining as he slowly moved the object past the eyehole, angled upwards until it reached the red mark. He moved it around in specific directions, emphasizing on depths and angles.

While some people hummed in awe, she couldn’t follow exactly what was being said anymore. All she felt was sheer terror and disgust.

“Today, my dearest sister, doctor Lena Luthor, will perform this Lobotomy on two of our patients for you to witness its true simplicity and practicality.” Lex gave the stage to Lena, who appeared impatient to finally take the spotlight from her charismatic brother.

“The two patients I have chosen are the ideal examples of cases that can be easily relieved by lobotomy,” Lena Luthor claimed confidently. The morbid look in her cold green eyes was the same obnoxious one she had while scrutinizing and torturing Kara during her Hydrotherapy sessions. “Here we have a 27 year old male, suffering from a severe case of panic disorder. A soldier returned from the war with war neurosis and manic depression. He has regular aggressive flashbacks that make him very dangerous to others,” Lena said, gesturing at Mike, who was completely unaware of the peril he was in. Kara clenched her fists, attempting to control herself, just a little longer. Lena then moved towards Eve’s equally defenseless figure. “And here we have a 25 year old female with depression disorder and suicidal. She has recently shown aggression towards others as well. A classic case of female hysteria,” Lena finished introducing her subjects.

Kara was shaking all over. It was almost time to make her final move. As Lena continued with the other nonsensical observations she had made of Mike and Eve, and how they would benefit from this medieval treatment, Kara lurked down the narrow staircase by the amphitheater’s wall, leading her down to the ground floor. 

Her heart was nearly exploding with each beat in her chest when she made it to the corner of the floor, inching closer and closer to Lena Luthor, who was now looming over Mike on the other side, beyond Eve’s gurney and Lex Luthor. Every single onlooker was so gripped by the supposedly miraculous brain surgery they were going to witness soon, that no one could turn an eye from the spike and hammer in Lena’s hand, let alone spot Kara.

The moment of truth had arrived and a strange calmness replaced the frenzy of her mind and heart, unannounced. It was as though someone had abruptly muted the world, intensifying the inner voices in her mind instead. Never before had her thoughts been as clear as they were at that moment. When her eyes landed on the tools beside where Eve slept soundly and forcibly, Kara knew exactly what she was going to do next. She reached for the long nail shaped tool, gripping its cold wooden hilt tightly.

She took the first step towards Lena Luthor, but suddenly a hand clasped around her weaponized arm. Kara’s heart spiked again this time in anger, spinning around to lash at the person who was interrupting her. She became stunned when she found Alex’s pale, contorted face, still adamant in constricting and disarming her. The spike fell to the ground with a loud clang. Kara felt utterly betrayed, but even Alex couldn’t stop her now. Not when she was this close to saving her friends. Not after all the days spent in despair. She noticed Alex’s lips moving, but she couldn’t hear her.

With a strength she didn’t know she owned, Kara snapped backward, surprisingly Alex with her suddenness and power. The nurse lost her hold on her arms, allowing Kara to slip away. Panting, Kara turned back towards her goal. This time, however, all eyes were on her and she could hear again. Her moment of clarity was long gone. The panic had settled back in and Lena Luthor had the long nail right above one of Mike’s eyes.

she saw her path clear and her viewers too bewildered to react for the next few seconds. Time slowed down as Kara leaped forward, pushing past a very perplexed Lex Luthor and colliding heavily into Lena Luthor, frozen in the middle of demonstrating Lobotomy on Mike. Lena Luthor screeched loudly in fear, caught off guard.

The patient tackled the doctor to the ground with a growl. In the heat of the moment, Kara hadn’t realized her own ferocity. She didn’t expect Lena to hit the ground that hard, almost losing consciousness. Just as she hadn’t meant for Mike’s gurney to topple over, making him fall down on the side and possibly hurting him in the process. She came to herself when her eyes caught the sight of Mike, lying on his side, still bound to the gurney. A sigh of relief left her lips, seeing his closed eyes untouched and unharmed.

A set of thick, masculine arms wrapped around her midsection harshly in a vice grip and pulled her away from a still screaming Lena Luthor. She could no longer make sense of what was being said and done around her. Kara squirmed against the increasingly tightening hold on herself until more unfriendly arms rushed to constrict her flailing limbs. Someone else roughly pushed her head down until it was pressed to the cold floor with a thud. Kara groaned when the twinge from a sharp needle burst in her shoulder, leaving her breathless. Her heart soon slowed down, her thoughts dimming as quickly. The last thing she felt before plunging into the darkness induced by powerful sedatives was the comfort of knowing that she had succeeded. Their plan had worked. Mike and Eve were safe for now. 

_ As long as you’re safe... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well! thank you for reading. Special thanks to @karxmels for editing each chapter <3
> 
> The descriptions given by Lex Luthor about Transorbital lobotomy are as accurate as possible, taken from the Wikipedia page about Lobotomy, which I read as a part of my research while writing this chapter. If you are curious about it, you can read more here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lobotomy#:~:text=This%20new%20%22transorbital%22%20lobotomy%20involved,the%20top%20of%20the%20eyesocket.
> 
> The title of the chapter is taken from the song Never Go Back by Evanescence. If interested, you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KS4ve6Rvsp4
> 
> P.s: @akane171 did you see this coming? ;) Since the first day I started plotting out this story, I have kept imagining your reaction to this chapter and I can't wait to find out what you think! XD

**Author's Note:**

> I will update weekly, so see you all next week.  
> You can also find me on Twitter @93HMika where I announce updates on my works.


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